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Difficult manager EAP case study

John felt intimidated and overwhelmed by the demands made of him by his new manager who he described as a bully.

 

In his performance review he was left feeling criticised and humiliated. A dread of going to work set in and symptoms of insomnia and loss of appetite followed.

Subsequently, John lacked focus at work and became less productive. A predictable vicious circle developed whereby his manager’s negativity resulted in John’s decreased competency. He felt hopeless and confused and contacted Bupa’s Employee Assistance Programme.

Counsellor:

"John, it sounds like Paul, your manager, is a perfectionist but not a bully. He sounds a bit patronising. You seem to be reacting as if he was like a man you described earlier in the session who managed you some years ago. You told me about how he had bullied you."

John:

"Oh yes. I was really bullied in that job. He put me down all the time."

Counsellor:

"John, I think what’s happening here is that you’ve got some left over feelings from that time. You have unknowingly brought those feelings into this new job with your current manager, Paul. You seem to be responding to Paul’s perfectionist traits in the same way you felt about your previous manager who bullied you. Deep down in your inner feelings the two characters have become merged. You respond to both of them as if they are the same person."

 

John was surprised. He agreed to test out the hypothesis and go back to work giving Paul the benefit of the doubt. Gradually he recognised that the monster that had been created in his own mind seemed to have contributed to the distorted way he saw Paul. As the counselling sessions continued over six weeks he began to experience Paul more realistically. As John became less defensive and more approachable, Paul also eased up and they seemed to be forming a new alliance. They got on a lot better and found ways of respecting each other’s ways of working. More productivity could now be expected for the company and increased job satisfaction for both John and Paul.

At the end of the counselling, John said he hadn’t realised his feelings had been left unresolved from the prior work experience.

John:

"I am gob-smacked that talking to you got me to think about the earlier situation with my manager. I am really grateful to you. I’ve been able to resolve some of the feelings that had been lingering from that difficult time. I hadn’t even realised they were still having such a negative effect on me. I really didn’t want to see a counsellor, but I have to admit that if I hadn’t come to you I would probably have given up a job that I really enjoy and other difficulties would have arisen impacting on my family. I just can’t believe how close I was to really screwing up. Thanks so much for your help. You helped me see things differently without bullying me into changing my mind about Paul."

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9.8 million working days lost in 2009/10 due to work related stress, depression and
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