How to support someone with cancer

How do I support a friend or family member with cancer?

Here are a few ways you can show up for someone with cancer.

Acknowledge their emotions

When someone receives a cancer diagnosis, they’re probably experiencing a mixture of emotions. They could be feeling upset, angry, or worried about their health, work and finances. They might also feel sad, isolated, overwhelmed, lonely or frustrated. These emotions could also change from day to day, or hour to hour.

Everyone responds to cancer differently, so try not to assume how they’re feeling. Instead, acknowledge that they’re going through a lot and try to be understanding. You might never be able to fully grasp what they’re going through, but being there and showing you care can make a real difference.

Check in regularly

Spending time with someone who has cancer could help them feel supported and connected. But it’s important to ask how often they’d like visitors and respect their need for privacy or rest too. When you’re together, try going for a walk (if they’re able), watching a film or having coffee. If you can’t be there in person, a call, text or card can show you’re thinking of them. And if they’re in hospital, check if they’re up for visitors first, and keep your visit short if they’re feeling tired. During your visit, updating them on what’s going on at home can help them feel connected.

Have open and honest conversations

Your loved one might not want to talk about cancer all the time. Sometimes, chatting about everyday things can be just what they need to take their mind off things. But when they do want to talk, make sure they know you’re there to listen. Find a quiet space where you can both speak freely without distractions, and listen closely without interrupting. You don’t need to have all the answers, offer advice or cheer them up. Just being present and allowing them to open up is enough. And if you feel awkward or unsure what to say, it’s ok to be honest about that too.

Help out where you can

As well as providing emotional support, there are lots of practical ways you can help someone with cancer. Start by asking what matters most to them, whether it’s future decisions about their care or practical help. Some people may prefer to stay independent, while others might appreciate help with everyday tasks like shopping, cooking, cleaning, or attending appointments. Respect their independence and let them guide the conversation.

If your loved one has hospital appointments, ask if they’d like you to take them. They may prefer to go alone. But if they’re comfortable, you could wait nearby or go in with them.

How do I support an employee or colleague with cancer?

Some people with cancer won’t want or be able to continue working. But it can give others a sense of normality and purpose. Here are some ways you can help at work.

Know your legal requirements

Cancer is legally recognised as a disability under the Equality Act 2010. This means anyone who has or has had cancer is protected from discrimination at work for life. An employer has a legal responsibility to make reasonable adjustments that helps anyone with cancer stay in or return to work when ready.

It’s also a good idea for you both to know if there are any additional services available in your workplace, such as:

• occupational health
• human resources
• company policies
• employee assistance programmes (EAPs)

Understand their individual needs

Everyone’s experience of cancer is different. One person might need time off for hospital appointments, while another may be dealing with unpleasant side-effects of treatment. That’s why it’s important to talk to your team member, understand the type of cancer they have, and find out what support they need from you. These needs may change over time, so keep checking in regularly.

It’s also important to ask whether they want to share their diagnosis with others or keep it private. If they do want others to know, ask whether they’d prefer to share the news themselves or like you to do it on their behalf.

Make things easier for them

If your team member wants to keep working during treatment, there are ways you can make this more manageable. These might include:

• time off for medical appointments or recovery
• working from home
• regular breaks
• reduced or flexible working hours
• adjustments to workload, responsibilities or performance objectives

Stay connected while they’re away

If your team member is taking time off, ask how often they’d like to be contacted and in what way. Treatment schedules can vary widely depending on the type of cancer and treatment. For example, someone having chemotherapy might spend a few days in hospital each month, or they might be taking tablets at home. Some people may not know how treatment will affect them at first, and others may feel well enough to work during parts of their treatment. So be open to adjusting your approach as their needs change and making flexible arrangements wherever possible.

Support their return to work

Some people might not want, or be able, to come back to work after cancer. But if they’re ready to return, start by discussing what adjustments they might need. Things like a phased return, reduced hours, regular breaks or time off for ongoing medical appointments can all be helpful. Speaking to occupational health can also be useful, as they can assess what changes might support your team member. This is a confidential process. It’s also a good idea to update them on what’s been happening in the team while they’ve been away. And offer any training they might need to help them catch back up again.

For more advice on how to support someone living with cancer, visit:

• Bupa’s manager guide to cancer (PDF, 0.1MB)
• Macmillan Cancer Support
• Cancer Research UK