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I've always known I drank too much, but it's a case of justifying it.

And I always have an excuse.

There's always some reason for why I had to have a drink.

So, you know, my mom's not well,.

I’ll have a drink.

Having a bad day that work?

I've have a drink.

It's just excuses at the end of the day.

And it was just justifying it to myself really.

So, yeah, I'd say the thought of losing absolutely everything.

You know, my little boy, my girlfriend was probably, was the reason, that I had to pack it in.

There's an illness behind this.

There’s a reason that you're the way you are, do you know.

People don't get up in the morning, drink a bottle of wine.

It was proper rock bottom at that stage.

It was kind of even I knew that I was thinking, actually, this, this is it now.

I was having bits of panic attacks when I wasn't drinking days, just just blending into one.

I had no idea of what was going on, no concept of what day it was, and somehow managing to bundle my way through work as a functioning alcoholic would do I suppose?

There's no joy in it at all.

There's nothing at all.

People.

My close friends.

I went quiet on WhatsApp.

I went quiet on on anything whatsoever, any social media platforms.

I just didn't want any interaction.

And mainly because I knew in my own mind that I looked a mess and I was a mess.

So it come to a head, you just, Catie came around and just said, listen, you, you're going to A&E.

Luckily enough, one of the cousins worked at, Prestwich hospital, which is a mental hospital near where we live.

So she said, you need to take him down to A&E.

They’ll admit him overnight and after they admit him overnight, they’ll move him to an NHS hospital.

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Prestwich for a week for a detox.

So I went to.

I went to the hospital.

And again devious alcoholic you are, I'm sat in hospital with Catie where I think she's going to have to go at 4:00 because she got to go and pick my son up from school.

She'll go at 4:00 I can just go out the back door, gulf a couple pints and kind of wing my way through getting out of it.

And then at 4:00, one of my best mates turned up, so she'd been speaking to him.

He's like, you're not going anywhere.

And I remember just being sat on a ward in A&E.

And obviously I'm getting massive withdrawals and they weren’t do anything for me at that stage.

I don't know why, because again, I can't remember.

I remember just crying to him, going, listen, there’s a pub down the road You know, we’ll go for two pints and I promise you I promise you we’ll come straight back once I’ve had two beers will come back.

And he was like, no.

And he's like, you're killing me, mate.

Stop it.

And, just remember being sat in this ward, it was all blood on the floor in A&E, I was just thinking, how on earth have I got myself in this absolute pickle.

Private ambulance turns up.

And then just take you there, and you get checked into this NHS facility that, I trying to explain it.

It's kind of a place you go to have a seven day detox.

By this stage, I was still shaking a lot.

So I was on medication in there a lot.

Did seven days in that, in there it was really weird.

It was.

You weren't made to do any therapy.

You didn't have to do.

It was all.

It was all like, do you want to do this course?

Well, no, don't do it then.

This is the last chance.

And this was if you didn't want it now it was gone.

And I had a lot of responsibilities, I had a I had a young boy.

So yeah I just at that stage I was like listen I’ve done the hard bit, which you say I've got a drink problem, that God knows how many years I've lied about that.

To start with, and that probably, somebody, weirdly enough somebody asked me the other day when I was round some someones house what’s the hardest thing about what you’ve been through?

I said, admitting that I had a drinking problem that's the hardest.

Yeah.

So so I, I did a week in there and luckily enough again, my girlfriend Catie had been doing a load of work behind the scenes to get me into The Priory in Altrincham, and then obviously I did 28 days in inpatient in there.

So I remember vividly packing my swimming shorts and you know and my girlfriend going, what are you doing?

You’re going to a mental hospital and well yeah, there’s going to be a pool oh surely.

And she’s like, what do you mean there’s going to be a pool?

You're going to get better.

So I think there’s this stigma.

It's great.

Great.

And all all stars go and it's it's a bit of a jolly of 28 days.

You get fed well you have a bit.

It's nothing like that.

It is absolutely intense and I mean intense.

So I were in ten days, I was sober, I was going to go place.

I just said goodbye to my girlfriend, said goodbye to my little boy.

And then I was like, right so yeah, I'm going to smash this.

I'm going to absolutely.

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So you'd have your therapy sessions.

And then there was one where you had to write down what I had done to everybody.

So none of this typing on a laptop, they made you write it because it means more, and it makes you think more when you're writing it down.

So you call it my story.

So I had to write what I'd done, and obviously there lots of gaps because I've been drunk for half of it and I don't remember a lot of it.

People who I'd known for maybe 2 or 3 days were like that letter doesn't sound like you.

And I'm like, that was me.

And I was a horrible person.

I was horrible and a drunk.

I was really nasty drunk about snide, nasty drunk.

You know, I'd say horrible things to people, no reason.

Just because that's the way it made me.

It just made me horrible.

So what they do is they get you down as low as you can go by this stage.

I'm.

I'm on the floor.

I'm like, oh my God, I've ruined everything.

And then they build you up after that and you need to have a bit of self-care and respect yourself a little bit more.

And when you have that self-care don't, then you start appreciating other people a little bit more and there's a massive stigma attached to to alcohol, alcoholics and being labelled alcoholic and alcoholic, everyone goes, oh, park bench, brown bag, tramp.

That's what everyone.

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There’s certain amount of people there that hold down good jobs.

I held down a good job, but when I was a functioning alcoholic.

There's a lot of people.

And in there they were saying, what are you going to tell everyone when you get out?

And I was like, what do you mean?

Everyone knows I'm in here.

I'm not, I'm not.

Shied away from any of it.

My responsibilities mine.

And I got no problem with telling people.

So all the people going, so just say you go to the pub and you don’t have a drink.

What's someone going to say to you?

I'll just say, I've got a problem with drinking.

I don't drink anymore.

That's that's my business.

And if you don't like it, don't stand with me.

Don't ask me.

And it's entirely down to me.

It's not a case of right.

I've.

I've now done two years, two years and about three months.

I'm not okay now.

I just can’t go.

All right.

Great.

And stop thinking about it because it's it's a constant one.

It's a constant journey.

I need to keep practising.

I need to keep keep myself going and keep myself busy.

And I do things now that I would have never done in the past, ever.

Not a dream.

I I'm a big man city fan.

I would have never took Seb my lad to the football.

Because that would seriously interrupted my drinking on a Saturday.

Now, I'll take him to football whenever I can do.

I used to do things that I thought he liked.

He didn't like the things I liked.

So let's go to the Queen Anne, it's got a play area.

It's rubbish.

He had no no enjoyment, but to me I'm doing something good for my son.

But I can have a drink at the same time and everything related around me beingin a pub.

Life’s, life’s good, and listen I'm not one of these who’s going to go, oh, stop drinking and everything goes brilliant, and it's the best life in the world.

Life’s still hard though I still have times when I'm like, this is tough.

I did a couple of weeks ago and it wasn't that I wanted to drink again.

I just found it hard, I had no motivation to see anyone.

I didn't want to go out, I just didn’t.

My mates went right we’re going to play snooker.

No, I’m alright.

And even even my girlfriend’s going, you need to go out.

She can see it obviously in me straight away.

I had no motivation but I’m over that now.

So I'm going to go through ups and downs and that's, it's about making sure when I'm at the downs that I don't turn to the way that I used to be.

Your look doesn't change.

You're in more of a capable space to deal with what comes at you.

So it feels like your looks changed.

So I've done stuff now and I’m like Oh, God.

That's good.

I'm having good news.

So good news about my job, or good news about the baby.

That’s not because the heavens have gone oh he’s stopped drinking.

Let's let's.

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That’ because I've got my head in gear and I need to do something.

So, yeah.

Isn't all about if you stop drinking, life becomes brilliant.

It doesn't work like that.

And nobody should think that, But it's about you're in a better place yourself to deal with what you need to deal with and what you want to speak about.

And.

And then the good things happen and good things happen to good people.