Feel
Looking after your relationship in difficult times
Tough times in relationships
Many couples go through difficult times in their relationship. There are lots of factors that can cause increased stress, such as:
- money worries
- debt
- unemployment
- illness or injury
- bereavement
- becoming parents
The good news is that many couples can work through hard times in their relationship, and things can improve. The following tips can help you resolve conflict and communicate in a healthier way.
Understand your differences
You might cope with a stressful situation or problem differently to your partner. For example, one of you may prefer to talk about things a lot, whereas the other may withdraw and be quiet. This can sometimes feel frustrating. But it’s important to remember that everyone copes with difficult situations and stress differently. Try to be patient with your partner and see things from their perspective.
Take the time to talk
Set aside time to talk and share your feelings with each other. Taking dedicated time to talk about your feelings can help you feel more connected as a couple, and help you to feel more understood.
When taking the time to share your feelings, try not to interrupt each other. If you and your partner struggle with this, there are things you can try. You could set a timer for five minutes and take it in turns to express how you both feel, whilst the other person listens without interrupting.
Reflect on changes to roles and routines
Your role may have changed within the relationship because of changes in other areas of your life. You might be looking after a new baby, or caring for elderly relatives. Acknowledge that your relationship may not have been the focus for a while because of other commitments.
It’s a good idea to talk to each other regularly about how you’re both finding these changes. Try to make time to spend quality time together as a couple. This could be going out for dinner, or staying in and watching a film.
Managing conflict
If you find that you and your partner are arguing a lot, why not try some of the tips below.
- Try to spot any patterns of communication that might be causing rows. This could be the language used, or the way feelings are expressed. Identifying these patterns and avoiding them can help to prevent discussions becoming arguments.
- If you keep arguing about the same thing, it might help to take a break from talking about the issue for a while. Try discussing it again when you’re both feeling less stressed or upset.
- Take some time to yourself to relax. Reflect and take some deep breaths away from your partner. Or, go for a walk to calm down.
- Use ‘I’ statements to communicate how you’re feeling. For example, ‘I feel’ or ‘I think’ rather than ‘you always’ or ‘you don’t’. This will keep any sense of blame out of the conversation and help to keep things calm.
- You might also find it easier to have a conversation about your problems while doing something else, like going for a walk together. This can help to ease any tension, and can make difficult conversations feel less intense.
If you’re worried about your mental health, our direct access service aims to provide you with the advice, support and treatment you need as quickly as possible. You’ll be able to get mental health advice and support usually without the need for a GP referral. Learn more today.
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