How to support someone with depression

What can I say to someone who is depressed?

If you’re worried, a first step can be to check in with them and ask how they’re doing. You can try this in person, through text or via a phone call.

You could ask open questions such as the following.

• What’s been going on for you this week?
• How are you feeling today?
• What’s been on your mind?

When they speak, focus on actively listening without any distractions. Leave pauses to allow them time to respond, and don’t interrupt or rush to find solutions. You could use statements such as these below.

• Ok, so what I’m hearing is X. Is that right?
• That doesn’t sound easy, how long have you felt this way?
• Tell me more about…

Once the conversation is over, let them know you’re there for them by saying the following.

• If you ever want to talk more, I’m here for you.
• Let’s catch up again soon.

Sometimes just listening and checking in regularly with someone can really help. This allows them to process their own thoughts and emotions. Try spending time with them doing things they enjoy. Or give them a call or text every so often.

If you’re not sure if they want advice or just want to vent, try saying the following.

• Is there any way that I can help?
• I have some ideas of things that could help. If you’d like to talk about them, let me know.

What are some coping strategies for depression?

If someone has told you they’re feeling low and need help, here’s what to try next.

• Offer them practical support. Depression can make daily life harder. Ask them if there are any specific practical tasks you could help with, such as helping them with childcare, or taking over a household task.
• Encourage them to practice self-care. Things like eating well, moving regularly and getting enough sleep can help improve someone’s mood.
• Spend time with them. Keep in touch and do things that you normally do together. Invite them to events and activities you think they’ll enjoy. Or simply keep them company either in person or by video chatting.
• Suggest getting professional help. Going to see a GP, counsellor or mental health professional can be one step towards getting help. But this might feel scary or embarrassing for them. To help, you could offer to go to the appointment with them, or write down questions to ask the doctor.

What should I do if they’re not talking or don’t want help?

Supporting someone can be tricky, but it’s even harder when they don’t want to talk or refuse help. If someone doesn’t open up or feels uncomfortable, don’t force them. Try the following instead.

• Let them know that you’re there for them if they change their mind, and that they can access help at any time.
• Be patient, and keep checking in with them generally. It may take many conversations before someone is ready to open up or accept help.
• It might be easier for them to talk to someone else. Signpost them to helplines such as the Samaritans or SHOUT.
• If they’re under 18 you could direct them to call Childline on 0800 1111 or visit their website. Or you could ask if there’s someone at school or another family member they’d like to talk to.

It’s normal to feel powerless and frustrated about the situation. Try to accept that you’re trying your best and can’t control their decision. It might help to take breaks and set aside time to look after your own wellbeing.