How to be kind to yourself: Ten top tips
We’re often kind to those around us, but sometimes it can be easy to forget to be kind to ourselves. Research has found that showing ourselves kindness and self-compassion can benefit our mental health and wellbeing. Here, I explore what self-compassion is, and suggest 10 ways you can be kinder to yourself today.
What does it mean to be kind to myself?
Self-compassion is the ability to show ourselves kindness, particularly when things don’t go as we might have planned. It’s speaking to yourself with an encouraging and warm inner voice, as you might do to a friend if they need support.
Let’s say you’ve been for a job interview and didn’t get the job. If you were to be kind to yourself, your inner voice might say that you prepared well for the interview and tried your best. Even though you didn’t get the job this time, you might remind yourself that you have valuable skills that are useful to the workplace.
A self-critical inner voice might focus on the things you feel you did ‘wrong’ in the interview. You might tell yourself that you didn’t get the job because you weren’t ‘good enough.’
These are things we would never say to a friend. But it can be easy to be unkind and critical when we think about our own behaviour.
Can being kinder to yourself improve your mental health?
Being unkind to ourselves can have a negative impact on our mental health and wellbeing. And, it’s also been linked with depression and anxiety.
Whereas showing ourselves self-compassion has been shown to:
- boost self esteem
- increase happiness
- helps us cope with stress
- improve resilience (our ability to recover from setbacks)
- help us feel more satisfied with life
We asked members of the public how they show themselves kindness. You can watch the video below.
Being kind to yourself matters
*Filmed pre-coronavirus (COVID-19) outbreak* In this video, we asked members of the public what they do to show themselves some self-compassion and love. During harder times, or maybe just after a difficult day, make a point of doing something to show yourself kindness and compassion.
Female: "Somethings I do to take care of myself, I like to go on walks with my dog, I like to read I think it's very important to take care of yourself mentally and physically. So I like to go to the spa, like to get my nails done sometimes, or even just as simple as staying in bed, all day, and not getting out, and doing nothing."
Male: "What I like to do is travel around cities, that I've never been to sort of get lost. So I'm actually just in London for 24 hours, before I head back home. So that's really what I like do."
Male: "When I do have time, I like to meditate, I do some yoga, I read, I go for a run, just anything that's going to get me a bit of space."
Male: "Exercise for one, release the endorphins, always good for the brain, for the body- that's great. I go for a walk, I meditate, which I do is brilliant, works very well."
Female: "I'm definitely a more introverted person, so I think when I'm having a difficult time I like to just take time by myself. Sometimes I journal, which I think is really helpful. I love to write, so journaling has always been great for me. Watching Netflix, just going on walks, I love anything by myself, just to let myself think, and think through my feelings, is great for me."
Female: "Usually a cup of tea and a book is a good way. (Female 2 agreeing, says: that's a good one, I like baking too, baking's good). What else? and nice smells (Female 2: yes, candles). yes!"
How can I be kind to myself?
It can be challenging to learn to treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Especially if you’ve been self-critical for a long time. Here are 10 top tips:
- Talk kindly to yourself. Think about how you speak to your loved ones and use that voice on yourself. Let your inner voice be a friend to you, rather than one that is harsh or unkind. This can help you to recover if things go wrong and help you cope better.
- Practise gratitude. People who practise gratitude and notice things they are thankful for are often happier and have a greater sense of wellbeing. Why not try and think of a few things you’re grateful for and write them down. Try to focus on the positives of your day. Reframing situations and looking for the positives can help strengthen your resilience.
- Perform acts of kindness to others. Be kind to others. Small gestures have a big impact – whether it’s smiling at someone or letting someone go in front of you in a queue. Doing good for others boosts your wellbeing and also helps brighten someone else’s day.
- Reflect daily. Make time every day to give yourself some space to reflect on how you’re feeling. Taking some time to write in a journal can help you process your thoughts and feelings and cope better.
- Focus on self-care. Having healthy routines are an important way to look after yourself. Try to make time for a healthy breakfast each day, get some exercise, and make time for doing the things you enjoy.
- Be responsible for your wellbeing. If a stressful day tempts you to treat yourself with alcohol or unhealthy food – think about whether this is a healthy coping strategy. A treat now and then is fine, but it might not be the best way to deal with negative emotions.
- Invest in your interests. Make time for your interests and passions, whether this is a creative hobby like drawing or painting, or an outdoor or sporting activity. Hobbies and interests can become neglected, but it’s important that you find time for the things you enjoy.
- Practise mindfulness. Mindfulness is a way of thinking, focusing on the here and now. It encourages you to pay attention to the present moment. This can help reduce thinking too far ahead and worrying about the future. It can also help us to stop focussing too much on the past and things we can’t change.
- Spend time in nature. Being around elements of the natural world can be calming. You could try spending more time in your garden or go walking in your local park. You could try a stroll by a canal, lake, or river, and look out for nearby wildlife. Or, visit a beach or parts of the coast if there are any nearby.
- Think of the opportunities. Reframing our perception of our lives can give us an opportunity to pause, reflect, and reset. Think about the things you’d like to change in your life going forward, and how you’d like to do this.
It can be difficult to change a critical inner-voice. But making the effort to talk to ourselves like a friend can improve our wellbeing. If you find you’re being unkind to yourself, why not try these tips to show yourself some self-compassion.
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Sources Sources
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- How can I improve my self-esteem? Mind. Mind.org.uk. Accessed April 2023
- Cunha LF, Pellanda LC, Reppold CT. Positive Psychology and Gratitude Interventions: A Randomized Clinical Trial. Front Psychol. 2019 Mar 21;10:584. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00584. PMID: 30949102; PMCID: PMC6437090. htt
- Aknin LB, Van de Vondervoort JW, Hamlin JK. Positive feelings reward and promote prosocial behavior. Curr Opin Psychol. 2018 Apr;20:55-59. doi: 10.1016/j.copsyc.2017.08.017. Epub 2017 Aug 12. PMID: 28837957
- Dunn NA, Luchner AF. The emotional impact of self-criticism on self-reflection and rumination. Psychol Psychother. 2022 Dec;95(4):1126-1139. doi: 10.1111/papt.12422. Epub 2022 Aug 30. PMID: 36041991
- Mental health problems – an introduction. How can I help myself? Mind. Mind.org.uk. Accessed April 2023
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