Ten ways to support someone with anxiety

1. Understand that anxiety can be hard to control

Your friend may be struggling to control their anxiety as sometimes it can appear without an obvious reason. Being anxious can be exhausting and can make it hard for people to focus on anything other than how they’re feeling. People with anxiety can have physical and mental symptoms which can make daily life a challenge. So, understanding this can help you offer your friend the support they need.

2. Support them with social situations

Having anxiety can make it more difficult to socialise. This can be because of social anxiety, or because they find it difficult to be out in crowded places. When someone is experiencing a sudden (acute) episode of anxiety, they might be worried about the visible symptoms this can cause – such as sweating or shaking. It may help your friend if you offer to go with them to new social events or meet up on a 1-2-1 basis.

3. Do relaxing activities together

Your friend may be exhausted and always seem tired. You might not understand why. But even though they aren’t doing a physical workout, their mind can be very active, which is tiring, and can cause physical symptoms. You could suggest doing a relaxing activity together, such as yoga, or swimming, which may help to reduce their symptoms.

4. Be aware of their anxiety triggers

Different situations and environments can bring on anxiety. Public places, social situations, work events and even using a public toilet can be very anxiety-inducing for some people. If your friend has social anxiety, they might be worried that people are going to laugh at them, or that they will say or do something embarrassing. They will probably be worrying about it before, during, and after the event. Being aware of these triggers can help you to know when they might need some extra support.

5. Don’t pressure them

While it’s good to be encouraging, it’s important not to pressure your loved one to do more than they feel comfortable with. It’s understandable you want to give practical support and help someone confront situations that might make them anxious. But feeling forced into situations can be overwhelming and might make their anxiety worse.

6. Offer support

Ask your friend what they need. Sometimes they might just need a hug, or they may prefer some space. It’s important to let them know that you’re there to support them, and they can ask you for help without being scared to do so. You can also support them to seek professional help if they haven’t already. Talking to a doctor or counsellor about mental health can be daunting, so having someone to help them through it can make a difference.

7. Avoid saying “stop worrying”

People with anxiety are often aware that they’re worrying too much, that they need to try and calm down, or that they are overreacting. But telling them this won’t help. Avoid telling them not to worry. Instead you can ask how you can best help them at that moment.

8. Be patient

Try to have patience with someone who has anxiety. Don’t disappear. Keep up the invitations – even if your friend continually declines or accepts and then cancels later. Suggest something that will involve just the two of you. Some days are better than others and your friend will feel better for being included.

9. Think about how you would like to be helped

If your friend tells you they are feeling anxious, be aware that they might not know why, or be able to explain. Ask if there’s anything you can do to help. But also accept their answer if they can’t tell you what’s worrying them in that moment. Try and empathise with them. Think about how you would like to be helped in a situation when you’ve felt upset or anxious.

10. Look after yourself

Supporting someone with anxiety can be difficult. It’s important to look after your own mental health too. This will ensure you have the space and energy to keep helping them. You can take care of yourself too, by doing some of the following.

• Set boundaries. We all have our limits with what we can offer. Make these clear and don’t take on too much.
• Speak to someone about how you’re feeling. Talking about how you’re coping helps you to process things. Consider talking to friend, counsellor or someone you can trust.
• Share the load. It can be easier to support someone with a mental health condition if you aren’t doing it on your own.

The best thing you can do to help your friend is to learn about, and understand, what they’re experiencing. Be patient and kind. Encourage them to seek help from a medical professional, such as a cognitive behavioural therapist (CBT) who can help them manage their symptoms.