How to cope when IVF fails – a personal story
If you’re having in-vitro fertilisation (IVF) treatment, preparing your body before the procedure can make a difference. Success of IVF can depend on many things, some that you can’t control. But making sure you’re healthy is one thing you can do. In this article, I explain how to prepare your body for IVF.

How did you feel when IVF was unsuccessful?
To begin with I felt very let down. I had gotten my hopes up after being given very encouraging odds of success by my clinic. I was prepared for the high chance of failure in the initial round, but you inevitably become attached to the idea of success. Especially when you’re emerging from an already failed conception journey.
What helped you to cope?
Me and my partner coped by supporting each other in our disappointment. We also got a lot of encouragement and kindness from the clinic. It felt good to know that we had more rounds to go, too. Luckily, I had also responded very well to the first round of IVF. So, despite the actual embryo implantation failing, we had been successful in creating an embryo, which gave us much to feel positive about.
What helped you when IVF failed?
Friends were invaluable. Naturally, it was hard at times to be around people who had children and hadn't done IVF, as we felt that perhaps they couldn't empathise. However, the overriding feeling of support was really helpful.
We also ensured we didn't put our lives on hold. We had fun and made plans. I feel this was really important. The more you focus on what you don't have, the more you’re held back from living your life. We had plenty to be thankful for and we knew there were no promises with IVF.
We wanted to ensure our life was as full after IVF as it had been before IVF.
We’d also heard that IVF success rates can be impacted by psychological well-being. The more positive your outlook is during IVF, the better your chances might be of achieving success.
What can people do to support someone dealing with IVF failures?
Talk to them about it. Don't shy away from the discussion, even if it might be a bit uncomfortable to begin with. Ask them how they are and what you might be able to do to support them.
Let them know you're there, and most importantly, be willing to listen to their experiences.
Is there anything you wish you’d known before going through IVF?
I feel I went into IVF mostly with my eyes fully open. But I might have liked to have known more about the risks of overstimulation (when too many eggs get produced during infertility treatment).
I also didn’t know how common miscarriage could be. I did experience several miscarriages during my IVF journey, and this was hard to deal with. It was not something I had anticipated happening.
Similarly, I didn’t know about the potential for an embryo to implant and then be deemed un-viable. More honest discussions around what can go wrong might have prepared us better.
IVF is not easy. It can be tough on your body and your mental health. So, it’s essential that you know what to expect and have plenty of support.
If you’re struggling to cope after experiencing an IVF failure, see a medical professional for help and guidance.
Are you interested in learning more about your health? Discover more about our range of health assessments.
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