Feeling lonely and isolated as a teenager: a parent’s guide
The teenage years can be full of ups and downs. There’s a lot for young people to deal with. Identifying what’s ‘normal’ behaviour for teenagers, and what isn’t, can be difficult.
We all hope our teenage children develop strong friendships and feel connected to the world around them. But if your child is spending a lot of time alone when they don’t normally, it’s natural to be concerned. Here I look at loneliness and isolation, how it can affect young people, signs to look for, and what you can do to help.
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Teenage years are a tricky time and identifying if something is wrong can be difficult.
If you're child is spending a lot of time alone, it's natural to wonder if this is okay, a passing phase or if it's something that you should be concerned about.
Some things that may cause loneliness and isolation could be screen-based activities.
These play a big part in our children's lives.
There are lots of positives linked to watching TV, gaming or using social media to connect with friends.
But it's been estimated that screen time can vary between two to eight hours a day for young people and they may continually compare themselves to others online, which can lead to feelings of isolation.
Changing schools, moving from primary to secondary school, often college up to university. Feeling misunderstood and having a sense of not fitting in even when surround by people, being left out, sports or academic teams, changes to their mental health or well-being or managing a mental health condition, living with a long-term condition or disability, being bullied.
How do you know if your teenager is lonely?
It's important to recognize that young people don't have to be socializing all the time and value time on their own.
But they can be good at hiding how they feel, so it might not be easy to spot clear signs of loneliness.
Some signs that your child might be feeling lonely and isolated include developing low self-esteem and losing confidence in themselves and their abilities. Being sad, withdrawn and pulling away from others, getting angry and upset, not wanting to try or do new hobbies or social activities or drinking and smoking in a bid to feel accepted.
Tips for talking to your teen
Take the lead if you feel that something is wrong.
A gentle nudge might help them to open up.
Show your child that they can lean on you for support.
It can be distressing hearing your child is struggling, but it's important to keep calm, listen and be understanding.
Set up a safe space where you'll be able to have a conversation such as on a walk or at home when no one else is around.
Bear in mind, that the evening might not be the best time, if you and your child are tired.
Natural conversation starters might arise. For example, if you're watching TV together and something relevant comes up. Perhaps ask their advice about a problem a friend is dealing with or if it feels right, suggest you'd like to talk to them about something directly.
If your child is defensive, unreceptive or clams up, take a break, but return to it again in few days time.
You might find that they come to you when they feel ready to talk.
A conversation is a two-way thing. And listening to your teen is important. Encourage them to ask questions and share some of your experiences to show that you understand.
Try and ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer.
There might not be a simple way to help, but just making sure they know they can trust you, that you're always there for them and that you love and care will help them feel supported.
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Is loneliness common in young people?
When we think of loneliness, we often link it to older people. But a 2018 survey of 55,000 people found that 40 percent of young people (aged between 16 and 24 years) felt lonely ‘often’ or ‘very often’.
Children’s charity, Childline, have also reported a rise in children and teenagers using their services to talk about feelings of loneliness and isolation. They did over 5,000 counselling sessions for loneliness in 2020 and 2021, and these numbers continue to stay high. Concerns raised by children included difficulty forming friendships, feeling misunderstood by others and experiencing poor mental health.
It’s important we understand why children might be feeling lonely and isolated, so we can support them the best we can. For example, social media might lead teenagers to compare themselves to others, which can lead to feelings of isolation.
Does social media make children feel lonely?
Children and young people are growing up in a world of technology and social media. This may be different to the world their parents grew up in. Screen-based activities play a big part in our children’s lives. This might include watching TV, gaming, browsing the internet or using social media to connect with friends.
Teenagers now spend an average of 8 hours a day on screens. In a UK survey, children were asked to report how much time they spent online each day. The estimated figure was higher as the children got older, with the highest screen use in 15 and 16 year olds.
The internet can have a big influence over how our children interact with others and experience the world. And while there are positives to this, you might also worry about the impact this can have on your child’s mental wellbeing.
What else causes loneliness in teenagers?
There are many different factors that can cause feelings of loneliness and isolation in teenagers. These may include:
- feeling misunderstood or feeling like they don’t ‘fit in’
- comparing their abilities to others, for example not being picked for sports teams
- experiencing a change to their mental health or wellbeing, or managing a mental health condition
- being bullied
- living with a long-term health condition or disability
- times of change such as moving schools, going from primary to secondary school, or moving from college to university
How do you know if your teenager is lonely?
It’s not always easy to spot clear signs of loneliness or isolation. Some things to look for might include:
- low self-esteem and losing confidence in themselves and their abilities
- being sad
- withdrawing and pulling away from others
- a noticeable change in their behaviour
- not wanting to engage with hobbies or social activities
It’s important to remember that everyone is different in terms of how sociable they are and how often they like to be with others. But if you’re concerned, talk to your child.
How should you start a conversation with your teen?
If you’re worried about your teenager’s behaviour and they are finding it difficult to open up, it might be time to have a gentle conversation with them. These tips can help you set up a safe and supportive space to talk to them.
Take the lead
As the parent it’s up to you to show your child that they can lean on you for support and that they can talk to you. While some children will come to you with their problems, others might not. So if you feel that something is wrong, give them the nudge they need to open up.
Set up a safe space
Think about a time and place where you’ll be able to have a conversation without being interrupted, and in a place that’s comfortable for your child. This could be anywhere that works for you both – on a walk or at home (when no one else is home for example). Also consider that the evening might not be the best time of day if you and your child are tired.
Conversation starters
How to start the conversation can be difficult. There might be an opportunity to bring it into a conversation naturally. For example, if you’re watching TV together you could use something relevant happening onscreen as a starting point.
If it feels right, you could let your child know you’d like to talk to them about something directly and take it from there. Or they might respond better to different methods of communication, such as texting or writing a letter. Speak to them to find out what they’d prefer. Remember to consider what’s appropriate to discuss based on the age of your child.
Take a break
It’s not always easy to know how a conversation might go. If your child is defensive, unreceptive or goes quiet, leave it there for now but return to it again in a few days. You might find that your child comes to you after they’ve had some time and feel ready to talk.
Listen
Remember that a conversation is a two-way thing. Listening to your teen is important. Give them time to answer as they might be nervous or find it hard to be open. When you ask them a question, see if you can ask one that requires more than a yes or no answer.
Encourage your teen to ask you questions and share some of your own experiences that may help them know that you understand. It might help to explain that feeling lonely isn’t about how many friends you’ve got. Help them understand that it’s not a measure of popularity; it’s a feeling and there are ways to feel less lonely.
Show your support
There might not be a straightforward way or answer to help your child, but just making sure they know you love and care about them can help. Let them know they can trust you and that you’re always there for them. You can ask your child if there’s something you can do that will help them.
How can you help your teen cope with loneliness?
If you think your teen is lonely or they’ve told you they feel this way, it might help to let them know that they aren’t alone in experiencing this. Below are some tips for your teenager to help them deal with loneliness.
- Distract yourself with activities and hobbies. It can help to try and focus on the positive things in your life and do things you enjoy. Be kind to yourself.
- Say hello to people – at school, in the shop or on the bus – just a smile can help you share a moment of connection.
- Think about what’s making you feel lonely –and if there’s something you could do that might help you feel better.
- If you feel able to, join a social club, music or drama group, or a sports team.
- Remember that what you see on social media isn’t always the truth. It might look like others are having a better time than you.
- If you’re feeling lonely and isolated don’t be afraid to tell friends or family. Speak to someone you trust or call a support line.
Where can you or your child find support?
Here at Bupa we understand how important your family is. So with our family health insurance you can rest assured knowing that eligible treatment and support is available to you and your loved ones when you need it.
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Sources Sources
- Loneliness in childhood. The Children’s Society. Childrenssociety.org.uk, published March 2019
- Day in the lonely campaign encourages children to share their feelings. NSPCC. Nspcc.org.uk, published February 2023
- The effects of screen time on children: The latest research parents should know. CHOC. Health.choc.org, published August 2024
- Screen time: impacts on education and wellbeing. UK Parliament. Publications.parliament.uk, published May 2024
- Loneliness. Mind. Mind.org.uk, published June 2023
- Childline annual review 2018/19. NSPCC. www.nspcc.org.uk, published 2018
- Children and young people’s experiences of loneliness: 2018. Office for National Statistics. Published December 2018
- How to tell if your child is lonely. Parent Talk. Parents.actionforchildren.org.uk, accessed March 2025
- Talking about difficult topics. NSPCC. Nspcc.org.uk, accessed March 2025
- Loneliness. YoungMinds. Youngminds.org.uk, accessed March 2025
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