How to support someone you love with gender dysphoria
Gender dysphoria is when someone feels discomfort or distress caused by a difference (incongruence) between their sex assigned at birth and the gender they identify with. This can severely impact their daily life. Watching someone you love struggle with gender dysphoria can be difficult. Here, I discuss ways you can support someone with gender dysphoria.
What is gender dysphoria?
Some people experience a mismatch between the sex they are at birth, and the sex they identify with. This is known as gender incongruence. A person’s ‘sex’ refers to their biological gender. The term ‘gender identity’ is how someone feels about their gender.
Someone with gender incongruence might have a strong desire to be treated as the other sex. For example, they may have been born a male but feel more comfortable presenting and being treated as a female. This is called being ‘transgender’ or ‘gender diverse’. Some people may identify with more than one gender, or neither gender. This is called non-binary.
Feeling this way can make a person distressed or uneasy, which is called gender dysphoria. Someone might be diagnosed with gender dysphoria if they’ve been having these feelings for longer than six months.
Having gender dysphoria can severely affect daily life. People with gender dysphoria are more likely to experience:
- low mood and depression
- anxiety
- social isolation, hostility, or bullying
- problems with body image
- wanting to self-harm, or suicidal thoughts
Gender-affirming treatment can be used to treat gender dysphoria. You may change your appearance to fit your identity, or you might have surgery or take hormones. Not everyone with gender dysphoria will undergo gender-affirming treatment.
How to support someone you love with gender dysphoria
Seeing someone you care about in distress can be difficult in any circumstances. If you have a friend, family member, or partner experiencing gender dysphoria, you might be wondering how best you can support them through it.
Here are some ways you can help them.
Educate yourself on gender dysphoria
Find out as much as you can about gender dysphoria to help you understand what your loved one is going through.
There’s lots of information online about gender dysphoria. Or you could reach out to a charity for further information and support. (See charities and helplines section below).
You might also want to learn more about gender terms. There are different terms for different aspects of gender identity. Learning these may make things clearer for you.
Be open and patient
It’s important to be open to communicating with your loved one. It may take some time for them to open up, or they may be nervous to talk to you. So try to be as patient as possible. Let them know you’re there to listen when they’re ready.
Try to have an open-minded approach when talking about their gender affirmation (the process a person goes through to live as their true gender). The more understanding and accepting you are, the more comfortable and honest they’ll be talking about it. Always respect their boundaries – there may be some things that they’re not comfortable sharing.
Encourage them to talk to someone
Having gender dysphoria can impact a person’s mental health and well-being. Talking can really help. If they don’t wish to discuss it with you, encourage them to talk to someone they trust.
Talking therapies such as counselling could also benefit someone struggling with gender dysphoria. It can often help to talk to someone who doesn’t know us, to remove the fear of judgement.
There are also support groups available for people struggling with their gender identity. Look to see if there are any support groups in your local area. Many charities also offer online support.
Ask them how they want to be addressed
Ask your loved one what pronouns they would like you to use when addressing them.
These pronouns may be different from what you’re used to calling them, so don’t worry if you make a mistake. Correct yourself and try to address them correctly the next time. This will show them that you respect their preferences.
Be aware of signs they are struggling
If someone with gender dysphoria is struggling with their mental health, its’ important they receive the correct support. Encourage them to visit their GP to talk through any symptoms they’re having. They may be referred to a psychologist or therapist to work through their difficulties.
Talking about mental health can be difficult. So it may help you to know what signs to potentially look out for in someone you love.
Signs of poor mental health or depression may include:
- withdrawing from social situations
- negative self-talk or low self-esteem
- self-harming
- poor concentration
- lack of enthusiasm
- quickly losing or gaining weight
Not all these signs mean someone has depression. But it helps to be aware and may indicate that someone needs some support.
Explore the options with them
Some people with gender dysphoria may want to undergo gender-affirming treatment. There are many different options, and these can be a lot to think about.
Be open to discussing the options with your loved one, so you can learn about them together. You could also offer to accompany them to healthcare appointments if they’d like you to.
Simply being there for them and supporting their decisions can make all the difference.
Where to go for help
There are several charities you can approach for more information or help with gender dysphoria. These include YoungMinds, NOT A PHASE and Gendered Intelligence. A GP can also advise you where to go for support.
Don’t be afraid to reach out if you or someone you love is struggling.
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Sources Sources
- Garg G Elshimy G and Marwaha R. Gender dysphoria. Statpearls publishing, updated July 2023. www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK532313/
- Gender Dysphoria. Patient. Patient.info, updated June 2023
- Gender incongruence and gender dysphoria. MSD MANUAL professional version. Msdmanuals.com, reviewed June 2023
- Gender identity. YoungMinds. Youngminds.org.uk, accessed September 2024
- Transgender: an easy read guide. Care Management Group (CMG). choicesupport.org.uk, accessed September 2024
- Gender identity. NSPCC. Nspcc.org.uk, accessed September 2024
- Depression. Mind. Mind.org.uk, published April 2023
- E Coleman et al. Standards of Care for the Health of Transgender and Gender Diverse People, Version 8. International Journal of Transgender Health 2022, VOL. 23, NO. S1, S1–S258. https://doi.org/10.1080/26895269.2022.2100644
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