How to deal with grief and bereavement

What is the difference between bereavement and grief?

Bereavement is when we experience loss, usually after the death of a loved one. Feeling grief and mourning (great sadness when someone has died) are reactions to this loss. The death of a loved one can be one of the most stressful things people ever face in life.

But other types of loss that may also cause you to feel grief are:

• the loss of a relationship after divorce
• the loss of a job
• the loss of your health after a disabling injury or illness

What are the symptoms of grief?

Grieving is a personal experience. The symptoms can be different in each person. People generally have quite specific symptoms in the first weeks or months after losing someone close. These can include:

• feelings of shock and disbelief
• feeling numb
• confusion
• anger
• guilt
• sadness and tearfulness
• difficulty sleeping
• loss of appetite

You may have heard of “the stages of grief”. If you have, and are grieving, you might expect to go through these stages. But it’s not quite like that.

Grief doesn’t follow a specific pattern. Sometimes you may feel angry. Other times you might feel numb and find it hard to accept what’s happened. Or you may feel that your emotions are all jumbled up.

What is complicated grief?

For some people, grief symptoms don’t gradually get better after a bereavement. They carry on and may even get worse. If this persists for over a year, you may have complicated or prolonged grief.

You may find it hard to believe that a loved one has died. You might feel anger or guilt over their death. This can make it hard for you to carry on with daily life.

You may be more likely to experience complicated grief if:

• you’ve had other losses or upsetting experiences in your life
• you’ve had (or still have) mental health problems, such as depression or anxiety
• you were very close to the person who died, or you were their carer
• you had a difficult relationship with the person who died
• you don’t have a lot of support from family or friends
• the death was sudden, unexpected or traumatic

What are some coping strategies for grief?

You may not feel like it, but it’s important to take care of yourself while you’re grieving. People who’ve been bereaved are more at risk of physical illness, including depression and stress. Here are some things that may help you with your grief.

• Make time to talk to other people. Keeping your feelings to yourself won’t help.
• Make time to remember and share happy memories of your loved one. This can help you to feel better and work through your loss emotionally.
• Give yourself time to grieve. It’s OK to be upset and there’s no time limit on it.
• Make sure you eat regularly. Grief can make you lose your normal appetite. It might help to eat little and often, or arrange meals with friends or family so you can eat together.
• Make sure to get enough physical rest, even if you can’t sleep.
• If you can, try to get some exercise or do outdoor activities. Just a few minutes of brisk walking or gardening or even physical housework can really help.
• Ask for support from someone you trust, such as family, friends, a GP or colleagues if you have them.
• If you work and need time off, talk to your manager about bereavement leave.

Some people find grief counselling helpful. This is a type of talking therapy with someone who specialises in grief and bereavement. They can help you to work through your feelings and accept the death of a loved one.

There are also peer-support groups available. Here, you can talk to others who are also experiencing grief. This can help to remind you that you’re not alone in how you feel.

Can grief or bereavement lead to depression?

Not everyone who experiences a bereavement will have depression afterwards. But feelings of sadness and hopelessness can be common symptoms of grief. So it’s normal if you do show signs of depression after the death of a loved one. This may be more likely if you have complicated grief.

If you have depression, your symptoms may include:

• feeling very low
• feeling hopeless
• loss of interest in your normal activities
• struggling at work or in your social life
• difficulty concentrating
• changes to your energy levels or sleep pattern

If you have symptoms of depression, your doctor might suggest a course of antidepressants. Antidepressants generally start to work after a week or two. They can take a couple of months to work fully. But you should gradually find your mood lightening and your depression symptoms improving.

Your doctor might also recommend some talking therapy. It might help you to speak with a therapist or counsellor about how you’re feeling, and work through your grief and depression with them.

Remember that being affected by a bereavement is normal, and things will get better. Always reach out for help if you need it.