Cutting down on drinking – are you sober curious?

We all have a different relationship with alcohol. You might enjoy an occasional drink, or perhaps you’re drinking more than you’d like. If you’re thinking about reducing the amount you drink, even if just for a short time, you might be ‘sober curious.’ In this article we explore what being sober curious means, and look at the benefits of giving up alcohol.

In the video, Charlie reflects on how life has changed since she decided not to drink. Her advice to anyone considering it? ‘Take the pressure off yourself.’ If you’re rethinking your relationship with alcohol, Charlie’s story might inspire you.

This is one of a series of ‘Sober Stories’. Eligible Bupa customers can find more expert tips and simple tools to help cut down on alcohol in the My Bupa app.

Charlie:

So I stopped drinking around four and a half months ago. The reason that I stopped is because for me, I just didn't think it was benefiting my life at all in any way. I've got two really small children. I run a lot, so I've recently signed up to a marathon, I've recently done a half marathon and it just doesn't bring the best out in me at all.

So I just made a decision after a horrendous night out that I just needed a complete break from it. I remember saying to my friend at work, why or she asked me a question "How long have you not been drinking for?" I was like, oh, I don't know. I looked and it had been 100 days, but I had not thought about it.

Because I think from my partner saying to me stop putting a label on it, stop putting so much pressure on yourself, just see how you feel and just roll with it. And if you feel better, then good for you, and if you don't, then you don't.

Now four and a half months in and I'm about to run a marathon. I think we, me and my partner, now make more of a conscious effort regardless of the rain, you're not going to melt, let's get up and get dressed and go outside.

Whereas I think when you're hungover, you can't think of anything worse and being outside in the rain, you already feeling a bit depressed the next day because you're hungover the weather makes you feel a bit sad, it's grey.

Whereas now it's a bit more like it's raining, put your wellington boots on we're all going to go for a splash because you can choose to wake up and be happy and that can some days be a choice.

Now I'm not drinking It's like, well, it's not choice anymore. Let's just wake up and be happy because that's all they'll, remember. That's what I want them to remember, is we're getting up and doing something, not, oh, we're getting up we didn't do anything because mummy didn't feel well. And I think that was massive for me.

I think initially the biggest challenge was how am I going to be what everyone else wants me to be without a drink? And then I remember we went to our friend's wedding, whose hen do it was that I decided not to drink at.

As soon as I walked in, my partner just went straight to the bar, got me a non-alcoholic beer and was like, just hold it and see how you feel. I said to him beforehand, but what if I have a drink and he's like, then you have a drink!

He kept saying to me, you're not an alcoholic, you don't have a problem. You've decided to have a break, take the pressure off yourself. If you have a drink, you have a drink. You're with me, you're safe. you're fine.

So when he bought me the non-alcoholic beer straight away, I felt fine, I was holding something. I felt included. I felt like I could because I talk a lot with my hands. I felt like I could have that conversation like I normally would.

Then I remember as the evening went on, a couple of people were like "oh you're so boring" and I was like, I'm the least boring person, and I will not be boring in the morning when you're feeling awful, I'll be fine, so we'll just see how I go.

No one there had a better time than me because they drank. I danced all night. My shoes were off, I was with my friends. I laughed, I caught up with people that I hadn't seen for a long time.

And I did all of that without having a drink, without being sick, or being carried home, or the regret the next day. I woke up the next day, fresh.

So I think for me that was a massive turning point that, well, I can do it because I've been around that whole environment where really I would have wanted it and I didn't. I didn't want it, I just, I was fine without it.

It's funny, since I've not been drinking, I feel very much more in touch with my emotions. I feel like I'm more confident in who I am, not having a drink, so I don't mind saying no to people if that upsets them, that's okay, because this is my life and this is how I want to live it and how I want to spend my time.

I said to my partner like, it's not just their childhood, it's my motherhood. So I want to be there for them for everything. Oh sorry. So I want to be present for them regardless. And no amount of alcohol can make me want to change that.

I think I've seen a massive improvement in my skin, but I think that's again been a knock on effect. I'd have a drink, I'd get a takeaway on the way home. The next day, I'd want something greasy in the morning to get rid of my hangover, so I've seen a massive improvement.

Actually, I don't massively eat takeaways now anymore, and if I do, it's more of a healthy like an Italian rather than a kebab. I just think for me it's been like a full circle of, I feel better.

I think definitely like putting that pressure on yourself is a lot. I think there's so many outside pressures already on people. "Try this drink" Or in a social environment, drink this, have a shot of this, taste this. And you know, you go in supermarkets and everything's two for one of it's on offer or whatever.

I think people just expect you now in social environments to have a drink or be drunk, where I just think for me, my advice was just I just see how I feel on the day. Do you know what I mean? I feel, how I feel on the day, and then I'll just play it by ear.

I think having that label on yourself, like I don't drink and I'll never drink again, that puts a pressure on you. Because what if you do? Who you letting down? And then it's the guilt you feel yourself where I think right now I'm the happiest I've been in a long time, because I'm choosing not to drink.

And I think that's how you should live your life. With that, just remove that pressure from yourself.

Choose to have a good day, choose to not drink that day. And if you don't, then that's amazing. But if you do, that's okay as well. It's your life and you live it your way, just try and block out the noise. You're not going to tell me to have a drink or do anything that I don't want to do.

If someone tried to say, oh, do you want to do drugs? I'd be like... No. The same now that's how the same I feel about alcohol.

Do you want a drink? No. I don't, I'm fine. But if you're buying, I'll have a full fat coke. Thank you very much. Or, the most expensive mocktail (laughs).