Supporting young people's mental health together

Who are you?

My name is Helen Sachdev.

I'm a director

and founding member of Womba, which stands

for work, me and the baby.

We're a coaching consultancy

that particularly specialises in supporting working parents.

We work with a large range

of organisations from very small to very large.

In terms of my own background, I've worked as an executive

originally in retail.

Then in retail banking.

I've sat on the DNI boards of a major UK bank,

and now I actually have a portfolio career.

So I work as a non-exec director in three organisations, two

of which I chair, and I'm a working mum with two children.

I'm Alison Green, an executive coach,

and I joined Helen as a director at Womba back in 2018.

And from the very beginning of Womba,

it was founded on an evidence-based research led approach,

and that's at the heart of the coaching work we do,

supporting working parents.

I had decades long corporate career

including serving on the diversity

and inclusion board of a major organisation.

I'm currently a non-exec director as well,

and I chair their ESG committee and I'm a working mum.

My child has a mental health condition, how do I approach this issue with my employer?

I think it's helpful

to perhaps think about how you are feeling

about your child's mental health condition.

It might be that you

Are

how you might be judged by somebody else.

So perhaps you feel reticent

or worried about sharing that information with your manager.

And perhaps something that might help is put yourselves in

the shoes of that other, in this case, the line manager.

Imagine that was you. How would you feel if somebody were

to approach you and share what they were experiencing,

share with you how their child was

struggling with their mental health?

And just think about the empathy

and the care that you would show that person.

And perhaps that might make it feel a bit easier for you

to have that conversation with your manager. And

I guess why you're saying that, Alison, is that too often

I think that internally we're concerned

what other people are going to think.

So if for a moment you can think about

how you would approach someone having a conversation

with you, you'd obviously be empathetic, you'd listen,

you'd respond in a way that was human.

And I think sometimes when that situation is with you,

it's difficult to think how the other person might respond.

Yeah,

So perhaps a few practical pointers

is think beforehand about what you want to say

and how much you want to share.

It might be easier to signal to your manager beforehand,

perhaps by email that you want to have a conversation

that is about something that's going on in your

personal life and let them know.

We also know, and we do hear sometimes it's really hard

to approach managers.

Some people have got amazing managers who are so supportive,

but you might not feel that you are able to have

that conversation with your manager.

And if so, there are other places to go.

So perhaps have a conversation with HR instead

of having a conversation with your manager,

perhaps reach out if your organisation has an employee

assistance programme, reach out

and get some advice from there.

I think probably the last point to say is,

you don't solve all the issues in one conversation

and probably the first conversation is the hardest

and just keep communicating.

Can I take time off to accompany my child to appointments?

Often we hear from the working parents that we coach,

that they feel they almost need to be superhuman.

That actually by asking to have time off from work

to accompany a child to a medical appointment,

somehow they're less committed

or people will think they're less committed to their work.

It's really important to do what matters to you, to be able

to accompany your child to that appointment

and to have that conversation with your manager

and explain with as much notice as you can possibly give

to the manager so they're aware

if it has implications for the team, other members

of the team, they can then manage

that on behalf of the team.

But first and foremost, have that conversation.

Make somebody aware that it is important to you,

why it's important to you,

and don't not have the conversation

because you're concerned around being less than,

less committed than your colleagues.

The thing I'll say is through our coaching work,

it's amazing how many people say to us,

my manager was fantastic when such and such happened.

And actually the conversation,

they've incredibly nervous about the conversation,

but having had it with their manager, another human being,

they've been amazed just

how supportive the work environment is.

This conversation is not going to be as scary, when you get into it, as you think it might be.

I have private health cover with Bupa, how can they help me I'm struggling with my mental health?

Bupa has enormous amounts of resources that are available,

including a number of support lines.

There's also guides, information,

and there'll be a button that you can click

where you can access that information.

I'm struggling with my mental health as a result of supporting my child, where can I get support?

There are many places you can go to for support,

and it's so important for you to be looking

after your mental health during this time,

so you are resourced to be able to look

after yourself and your child.

So reaching out to whatever support you might need

is really, really important.

That might be support within your organisation.

It might be you've got a really good

relationship with your manager.

You can speak to your manager.

It might be HR, it might be

through your employee assistance programme

that will offer access to counselling or more

and more organisations that we work

with have got mental health first aiders.

So people who are trained to help employees

with mental health difficulties, parents, networks.

We hear time and time again

how much value people find in parents networks,

realising they're not alone,

that other people are also going through similar challenges.

And it's good to speak to other parents

because you almost certainly not alone.

So we've signalled a few of the areas that you could go,

but the chances are that somebody in your network will also be able to give advice.

I want to set-up a parental network, any recommendations?

Our first recommendation is do it

because we know the organisations

where they've got parents networks,

it makes such a difference at every level.

It makes a difference to the leaders of the organisations.

They can really understand what the experience

of their working parents are

and it makes a massive difference to working parents, having

that network, having that support.

Organisations that we work with, parents, networks,

what do we see work well?

Find a sponsor. A sponsor at the most senior level

in the organisation.

Who really cares about this.

Who's backing you've got

and will represent you around that table. Co-chairs:

yeah, so the parental networks typically that we work

with now and they're aware of, tend to have a mum and a dad

that co-chair, and having

that both perspectives I think is really helpful.

But what about in the organisations that are too small

for a parental network?

I wonder if doing something informal,

even if it's like a lunch

or a coffee, just doing something, reaching out

to other parents that you know of in your organisation

and just seeing if they want to get together

and share their experiences.

So even if it's informal, that support is there.

It's a good idea. I was aware of a breakfast club

and also a lunch club where mums

and dads just got together informally.

How do I access the Bupa mental health services?

There are a number of ways

to access the Bupa Mental Health Services

and click the button below

and that will take you through to a lot more information.

I'm struggling to balance both work and my child - what can I do to help?

We know how hard it is to balance home life

and work life anyway.

I can't think of a single coaching relationship you

and I have had where balancing that professional identity

and parenting identity, has it been part

of the coaching work.

So at a time when you are worried about your child,

that balance is going to be even harder.

So I think the first thing is be realistic.

So be realistic about what you can actually do

during this time and don't try and do it all.

Think through what your boundaries are, where you are at,

what support you need to be able to offer to your child

or want to be able to offer to your child

and what you are doing at work.

Think about what are your boundaries.

So what are the things you're not prepared to compromise on?

Sometimes compromise on,

actually stuff doesn't matter too much.

Just let it go for now and communicate that. Yeah,

the communication is so important.

So once you're clear in terms of what you can

and can't do, the next step is really

to have a conversation with your manager.

And in many organisations, that's a conversation

that will lead to options around perhaps flexible working.

So you might find that there are certain days that you need

to come a little later or you need

to leave a little earlier, or you have appointments.

And in many organisations, the manager is going to be

that person that can support you in terms

of actually achieving the balance.

And it's not a single conversation,

obviously this is an ongoing relationship that you have

and you keep your manager updated in terms of where you are

and through that, where that's often the route

through in terms of being able

to create a better balance for yourself.

One other thought is often

you might leave having

that conversation till you absolutely have to till

that balance really is out of kilter.

And what we really encourage is have that conversation

as early as you feel able to have that conversation

to flag up to your manager, possibly

to colleagues if you feel safe to do so,

what's happening. So people know

and they understand perhaps why you might be late coming in

for work or you're not able to give as much

to your work life as you might normally do.

I'm nervous to have a conversation with my manager about returning to work, how can I approach this?

It's normal to feel nervous about returning to work

even if you've been out of work

for a relatively short period of time.

We do a lot of coaching work with parents returning back

to work, and they often expect

to return back first day, be exactly where they left,

hit the ground running, be delivering by the end

of the first week, and depends

how long you've been away for.

But if you've had an extended period of time away from work,

it can be helpful to think about coming

back as an induction.

Remember the last time you joined an organisation

and how you became familiar with it,

and take a similar approach to returning back to work now.

Who do you want to get in contact with?

What is it you need to know, before you return,

perhaps arrange to have a catch up with your manager

or informal catch-ups with colleagues, so

you've got an understanding, a bit more of an insight about

what you're returning to. Perhaps think about a 30, 60

or 90 day return to work plan.

So it's realistic.

You're not trying to do everything in the first week.

And you know what? As you're talking, it sounds very much

that this is an assumption of returning back

to work in the office.

And of course, these days that's not always the case.

So some of the people that we've been coaching recently

have had a very different experience returning to work

because they're switching on a camera.

And whereas you might go into the office

and everybody sees you and how are you and has missed you and asks how you are.

And I can tell you are some of our clients,

when they've come back to work onto a camera,

they've not even been acknowledged.

So one thing maybe to think about to prevent

that awkwardness is maybe to signal to the manager

that you're returning and it'd be great if he

or she could reintroduce you back into the workplace

because certainly that's going to help you

make you feel a lot more welcome.

Anything else? Yes. So

Phased return.

So we see these work incredibly well.

If you've been away for a long time,

perhaps it might be possible to have a phased return back

to work to ease your return back in.

Or if that isn't possible,

perhaps make the first week a shorter week

so you're not going straight back in to a full working week.

What recommendations do you have for requesting flexible working hours?

The first thing to realise actually is

that flexible working is not a right.

So you can ask for it

and the law supports you to ask for it.

But in terms of how the organisation responds,

they don't have to say yes.

So preparation is key to this just in terms of

how you go about actually making that request.

So how might you go about making that request?

Think through what works for you in terms

of flexible working and how that might impact your

team or organisation.

So you can perhaps preempt any concerns that might come up.

You might want to think about this

and jot some notes down beforehand.

So when you go in and have that conversation

with your manager, you're prepared for it.

And I think the other thing

to think about is from an organisational perspective,

this will probably produce challenges for them.

So if you can anticipate what those challenges might be,

and you can perhaps have some thoughts around

what the solutions might be.

In other words, try and make it easy for your manager

to say yes, because that's likely

to be a lot more successful in terms of an approach,

And it's more and more than normal.

So we coach now

so many people at all levels in organisations

who are working flexibly, different working patterns.

So it is becoming more

and more normal to have flexible working.

I think the final point as well is don't be surprised if

your manager says that they'd like to trial it.

It's a normal response

and it does give an opportunity for both the organisation

and yourself to see whether the flexible working pattern is

actually working for both of you. Can we have

One more

final, final? Don't expect an immediate response.

It's highly likely your manager's going to listen,

take on board what you say and then go away

and think about it and then come back to you.

Can Bupa help me to support my employees/team overall wellbeing?

Yes, and if you click the button,

you'll then get more information about how.

How can I tell if someone I am managing may be struggling as a parent?

Probably the first thing to say is it's be careful

not to make assumptions.

So just

because they are a working parent

doesn't mean they're struggling.

But also it's worth checking in with working parents

because it is hard being a working parent

to balance work and home life.

So the most critical relationship

that an employee has at work is with their manager.

So you are such an important part of their work life.

So I'd say the first thing to do is

to check in regularly with that employee.

Make sure that you've got some quiet time.

You have a quiet space where you won't be interrupted,

and really focus on listening to that employee.

And it might not be the first conversation.

It might be really hard for them to open up

about what is happening.

So check in regularly, see how they are,

and create a space where they feel they can be open

and honest with you and they're not going to be judged.

What are some practical things I can do as a manager to support a struggling parent?

So as a manager, be aware of

what support the organisation offers that might be helpful

to that working parent.

That could be mental health first aiders.

It might be an employee assistance programme.

It might be parents networks,

but point them at things that might be helpful to them.

Think about any adjustments that

as a manager you might be able to make to the type

of work they're doing

or their working pattern

that might help them through this time.

And through our coaching work,

we've come across many different managers from a coach's

experience, so some managers have been great,

and the sorts of things that they've been able to do

is rather than taking a policy, literally,

they put their common sense hat on

and thought, what is it I can and can't accommodate?

The managers that have been least helpful are those

that literally play the party line

and don't really put themselves in that employee's shoes.

And also from an organisational perspective,

perhaps don't think through, from a practical perspective,

can you offer some flexibility?

Because quite often you can.

And if you can, why wouldn't you?

And almost the opposite to that question is, yes,

there might be practical things that you can do,

but also be aware that this isn't something

that you can solve or fix.

But being there for your team member, being approachable,

being open, know that they can come and talk to you.

That is at the heart of this.

So yes, offer the practical advice and support

and signposting,

but being there for your employee, listening to them

is the most important thing that you can do.

Is it ok to ask a working parent if they need any help?

Yes, of course it is.

Yes. I guess the main thing here is think carefully

about how you ask.

Yeah. Managers that we support, we're aware

that this can be really awkward.

They feel really uncomfortable asking a team member

how they are, do they need help.

And therefore might avoid having that conversation

or make assumptions, as Helen was saying.

So the first thing I think,

is recognising if it does feel awkward, that's

probably normal for most managers,

but don't let that get in the way of you having

that conversation and doing it in a way

that is nonjudgmental.

You're not making assumptions,

and you want to be in listening mode to hear

what is happening for that team member

and how you might be able to help them.

And it's also probably thinking about how you are feeling.

So depending how you experienced you are as a manager,

this is a topic that can feel

that you are delving into someone's private life.

And that's one of the things that can

make it really awkward.

So the thing is, don't put too much pressure on yourself.

It's not something you'll be able

to solve in one conversation.

It's more about building a strong relationship with

that individual so that they can feel that when they do need

to ask for help, that you're going to be there

and you're going be listening

and you'll at least think about what it is

that they're asking you help with.

How do we best consult working parents when developing relevant policy?

So research that we have done with organisations

and working parents, our number one recommendation

for boards and leaders is to consult with

and listen to their working.

Parents and parent networks are a great way of doing this.

Often the organisations we work with have really

strong ambitions around the sort of organisation they want

to be to support their working parents,

but the reality can often fall short

of what that ambition is.

So consulting with listening to the experience

of working parents is a great way to understand what

that gap is and then think about what actions you want

to take to close that gap.

And of course, some organisations don't have working

parent networks, so it's worth thinking through.

And if you are a smaller organisation, how do you do it?

So we've worked with some medium organisations

where focus groups are being pulled together,

and that's a really good forum

to really get a temperature check in terms of what's going

to work and what's not going to work with working parents.

And then I've personally worked

with a really small organisation where they've had a handful

of working parents and how that information has been

as solicited is we have coaches have gone in

and then with the permission

of the individuals is shared some of the challenges back

to the organisation so they can build some of

that thinking into their policy development. Yeah,

It's really hard to get policy right

and having the effect that you want it

to without understanding what the experience is

of your working parents.

How do you balance a fair application of policy with the needs of individual working parents?

I am reminded of the round tables that we held

with people, leads from all different types

of organisations, public, private sector, big, small,

and this was one of the biggest challenges they mentioned.

How do we ensure that the policy can be applied consistently

and fairly, yet recognise the individual needs

of people at various stages in their life.

For example, if a child is struggling, how do we then

as an organisation, adapt to that

and apply the policies

to meet the specific needs of that individual?

And then it's probably worth thinking about policy in

terms of a set of guardrails so that there are

so many different circumstances which cannot possibly be

covered by all the policy.

And it's worthwhile knowing that as the manager, the manager

sits at the front line, has all the information

that they have, and as long

as you're staying within the guardrails, using common sense

is really the way to go.

So again, listening to what is going on for

that employee, what is it that you can and can't do?

And the manager often has the empowerment

or can take the empowerment

to actually make sensible decisions

on behalf of that employee.

Probably one last thing to mention, which

is setting precedence.

This is a question that comes up quite a lot.

So if I decide for this employee

that they can come in late three days a week, does

that open the floodgates for every employee?

And it can be hard

because you might not want

to disclose more widely in the team what's going on.

The person who you are making those adjustments

for might not want other team members perhaps

to be aware of what's happening.

So I think what we're saying, it is hard.

It is hard, but empowering managers to do the right thing,

having a culture where they can use their common sense.

So yes, within those guardrails they can use common sense

to do the right thing is the most important thing.

And quite often in the policies,

there'll be a line in there that says

that every individual circumstance will

be looked at in its own merit.

And that's quite a useful thing to have in there

because then it does give that balance.

It creates that balance between the needs

of the organisation, the needs of the employee,

and not setting precedence when you haven't intended to.

I have a working parent who has been out for a while how can I support their return?

One of the things that we hear working parents really

value is being offered a phase return to work.

Perhaps it might just be for the first week

or couple of weeks, but that can make an enormous difference

to how they feel coming back to work

and feel really supported by the organisation. And one

Of the reasons why that's very helpful is it takes a while

to get the logistics organised at home.

Things come up last minute, so if parents are given,

there's a little bit more flexibility in

terms of a phase return.

The first few weeks it's really valuable.

Other things that we hear that work well, managers

having a call with the person, the working parent

before they come back to work, being budded with

somebody within the team so they've got somebody

who knows they're coming back, who's welcoming them back.

And I think if you look at it from the other perspective,

we've had some real horror stories

where people have returned to work

after quite a significant amount of time

and their presence isn't even acknowledged.

So people don't even ask them

how they are, how things have gone.

It can take several days sometimes

before they have any contact with their manager.

So it's probably worth thinking about it from the other side

as well, what doesn't work well

and just do the opposite. Yeah.

So it is a really important time to offer support, to help

that working parent back into work

so they can make a smooth transition.

Is flexible working effective for organisations?

Flexible working is essential in terms of organisations.

Two things I'll share with you.

First of all, flexibility is a route to productivity.

So there's been so much research since Covid

to evaluate whether flexible working improves performance.

The answer is yes, it does.

And the second thing is from the research

that we've carried out working with working parents,

the number one thing that they ask for

and makes a difference to them is flexible working.

So consequences of not providing flexible working

because it is so important to employees.

They will leave the organisation if they can't get it

because if they can't get it here,

they can get it somewhere else.

And in terms of productivity, there is some work

that is set up, for example, to be done well at work,

networking, collaborative work team working, et cetera.

But there are times where uninterrupted time at work

to concentrate on the task at hand is incredibly valuable.

Yeah, we cannot emphasise how

flexible working helps you as an organisation in terms

of productivity, helps you attract

and retain the talent that you want,

and how valuable it is to your working parents.

It's the difference between them being able to continue

to work and manage their careers

and not being able to do that.

How could I offer flexibility to working parents?

At the heart of this question is trust

and managers trusting employees to

work in a way that they're getting what needs to be done,

but they're doing it in a way that works for them.

I'm getting it done, is really important.

So as opposed to measuring productivity by the hours

that people are sitting at their desks,

it's much more important to think about what is it

that you're actually asking them to do?

And providing clarity around

what the outcome is from that piece of work.

Because if you focus on measuring that,

the flexibility in many ways becomes less of an issue

for both, certainly for the employer,

and it allows the employee to actually do the job in the way

that is going to work for them.

And it might be, it's just a very short term

flexible working pattern that's going

to help a working parent through perhaps, I don't know,

a child starting at a new school

or a child with perhaps health struggles

and they want to be there more for them,

but it's a relatively short-term thing,

or it might be a more permanent,

flexible working pattern that they're looking for.

So understanding what they need, how it's going

to help them, what they're asking for,

and then think about what the organization's then able to do

to accommodate that request, that working pattern

And some accommodations are really small.

So do you remember the manager

who always had his Monday morning meeting at nine 15?

So

of his returning working moms was always a few minutes late

for that critical meeting.

When he became a working parent himself,

his view completely changed.

And he said, why don't we just start at nine 30?

Dropped out. He

Appreciated the shift that had already gone in just for

that working parent to get to that meeting for nine 16.

And some of the flexibility requests are

much larger, aren't they?

So there's a point where employees might need to be out

of the office for one or two days,

or might want to reduce their hours,

and that can be tricky, can't it?

But Job Shares is one of those interesting topics, isn't it?

Yeah. So we've spoken to a lot of employers about

how do you make Part-time working successful

for both the individual and employee?

And one of the really interesting models

that we've seen hard to set up,

but once you've got it in place, fantastic, is job shares.

Because you get two employees, for one, they have

each other to actually support.

And in terms of the career progression for the individual,

we've seen it a lot more successful as part of a job share.

How do we make sure working parents are best supported within our wellbeing strategy?

The starting point is understanding the experience

of the working parents in your organisation,

and there are so many ways you can do this.

Many organisations do annual employee surveys

or regular pulse checks to gauge

what the experiences of their various groups,

including working parents, listening exercises,

really listening to what the experience

of working parents are.

We've gone in and helped organisations do that,

have focus groups, to then feed that back to the board,

to the leadership teams of organisations,

so they really have a good insight into the experience

of their working parents.

As those listening exercises are set up,

it's really important to remember that

families are created in different ways,

and there's a whole diversity of people in terms of

how they bring their families together,

and to hear all those voices

and to seek out those voices as part of

that working family strategy is so important.

How can I foster psychological safety for working parents?

Perhaps we start this by thinking about

what psychological safety means for working parents.

And the research that we've done with working parents,

working moms, and working dads, we know, especially

for working moms, they often feel the need

to conceal their parental identity at work through fear

of being judged, people perceiving them

as less committed, less capable,

less interested in their career.

So that group might already be less likely to speak up,

speak out, and feel able

to bring their whole selves to work.

And what we know is without psychological safety,

without working parents feeling it's okay

to speak up at work, they are less likely

to take up the policies and the support

and the initiatives that are available to them.

So having policies of course, is part of this,

but having a culture where there is high levels

of psychological safety will unlock people working,

parents accessing those policies.

And it's hard to shift culture, isn't it?

So how do you go about

actually improving psychological safety for parents?

And we've talked about this a lot, so we know

that role models is incredibly important,

accessible role models as well.

So people that you can look at

that are sharing their stories within the organisation

and where people can actually relate to them,

and not just up at the senior leader level,

which is obviously important,

but those leaders encouraging the layer below them

and the layer below that to share their stories.

Because the key message to parents is

that they're not alone.

And when they're actually struggling

with being a working parent

or when they've struggling with the health of their child

or with challenges at home, they're not alone.

And

As a small business, how can I offer flexibility for parents without risking the business?

It's so difficult, isn't it?

Because when you've got a small business,

you don't have the resources available to you that large do,

but your most important resources are your people.

And with small businesses, we see that individuals are

critical because they have very broad roles.

They've got all of the corporate knowledge

in them as a person.

So I guess if I'm being blunt,

it's balancing these two things.

So if you're offering some flexibility to that employee,

that means that they can stay with you.

That's one side of the equation.

If you lose that employee because they can't stay

because it's just impossible, without them flexibility,

what's it going to cost to hire somebody new,

to skill them up into all the knowledge

that they've actually gained throughout the years?

How do you replace the DNA

and what's the impact when other people look to see how

that person was actually treated?

Particularly in a small organisation, what it is that you do

and how you choose to respond to that employee is going

to be closely watched by not just that employee,

but all of the other people in the organisation.

And if during a time of need for that working parent,

when their child is struggling, you are able

to offer flexibility.

We know from the work that we do, the loyalty that

employee then has to you and the organisation

because of the support you are able

to offer when they really needed it.

And also they'll kick in.

They kick in in terms of performance.

So you are more likely to get a better level of performance

for someone that you've been able to offer flexibility to

than if you don't and watch them struggle

and performance will decline.

There's often, I was working with

a small organisation recently

and we did an exercise to cost out

how much it would cost the organisation in terms

of offering more family friendly policies.

And they were surprised at how small that number was.

And the takeup actually has been really good

and the benefit to the business already,

they're seeing improvements in terms of productivity.

So yeah.

How can I make sure my leaders / managers know how to support their working parents?

It's so difficult for the manager

because manager has really squeezed middle.

So they have the pressure from the top,

they have the pressure from the employees,

and quite often it's a group of individuals

that are neglected in terms of development and support.

And I think training for this group, particularly around

how they manage working parents is essential.

I'm reminded of a workshop you

and I did a little while ago with a group of managers

and one of the managers arrived

and introduced themselves saying, I'm not sure

what I'm doing here, but one

of my team members has told me I need to come.

And that training is inviting managers

to step into the shoes of their working parents

because it is challenging being a working parent, balancing,

juggling those needs of work and home.

Whether that's because you've become a parent,

your growing your family,

or perhaps a child is struggling with a mental health issue,

for example, being able to

walk in your parents shoes.

That's okay. Walk in your

Parents' shoes.

And I think probably what's overwhelming is just the sheer

spectrum of the issues in terms of

what working parents have to face.

And it doesn't stop from when they're tiny children through

to when they're much older.

It's just the challenges change, don't they?

And they move through time.

And I think older children that struggle,

it gives you a very different,

but still hugely challenging

then when they've got younger children.

But the thing is, is you can't make assumptions

and actually developing your managers to have that empathy,

the listening skills to be able to engage

with the working parents, understand what's going on,

particularly when they have got children

that are struggling, is so critical.

And that's really the advice that we would give.

And what did our manager say

to us at the end of the workshop?

I get it now. It's about good conversation.

It's about having a good conversation and me listening.

How do we create a culture that encourages open dialogue about issues faced by working parents?

At Womba, we for the last few years have been doing

research with Holt International Business School

and the starting point for that research was

how do you improve the experience of working parents?

And as we've gone through the last few years, we've changed

that and the white paper is

how do boards create equal

opportunities for working parents?

So that's sort of a long way in to this question,

but it's at the absolute heart of this comes from boards

and it comes from the leaders of organisations.

If they are not signalling that this matters to them,

that having a family friendly workplace

where it is fine for parents to be open

and speak up about their experiences,

you can't shift a culture of an organisation,

you will not have a culture that is family friendly

and psychologically safe for working parents.

And we work with a vast range of businesses, some

that are very progressive and well on the journey

and this will just be the next step for them.

But there are others where actually things have not moved on

from the time that we were working

parents quite some time ago.

Sometimes we just are so uplifted

by the experiences we hear of the organisations we work for,

how much this matters to them

and the impact that is having on the lives

of their working parents,

especially at times when they might be finding it

hard and struggling.

But we also hear stories that take us back

to when we were working and how hard

and challenging it could be.

Being sometimes the only parent in a meeting or in a group

or in a team or in an area or in a leadership setting.

And it is hard, and we hear some still today,

some really shocking stories of discriminatory stories about

how working parents are treated.

And that's men and women, isn't it?

There is a big assumption that it's the woman

that is the primary carer and that's often the case,

but it's not always the case.

So we had this case recently, didn't we, with a chap

that asked, ask for some flexibility

And was told, what's the wife doing, which

Haven't

Your wife to do?

That I think was the phrase, which is terrible.

So we might say

that you're not the only one are times when in some

organisations you may be the only one.

And those organisations in particular,

it takes somebody at the top of the organisation,

whether it's a founder, whether it's a board,

whether it's a board member or director.

But it saves somebody at the top who may well be aware

of working parent themselves.

85% of people in the workplace are,

but it needs someone from the top

to actually lead from the top through role modelling

and starting the conversation.

And particularly if they feel able

to share some of their own stories.

I'm reminded of the, when we held a round table a year

or so ago, and an HR director

shared her experience

and she'd been asked by the CEO of her organisation

to review their family friendly policies

and she came back with some proposals

and he said, is this best in industry?

She said, no. He went, go away. Come back.

I want to see what's best in industry

and adopted best in industry.

Are there typically policies in place to accommodate working parents who need flexible schedules?

Probably unlikely because policies tend

to cover quite broad topics.

So what you might be aware of is that employees have

to consider a request that is given to them

by their employees,

but they don't have to actually say yes to them.

So I think it's quite a confusing area.

But what we do know is that the manager has quite a big role

to play in terms of offering flexibility to individuals.

So case by case managers are often empowered

to hear what is needed in terms of flexibility

and can work out a plan that works for both them

and the organisation in terms of offering that flexibility.

And as you say, policies tend to be quite broad, so some

of the working parents that we support,

they find parents networks a really good source

of information to know broadly

what does go on in the organisation, what sort

of flexible working patterns are available.

What advice do you have for a working parents who may feel guilty or ashamed about prioritisation?

This is normal to feel guilty.

I think virtually every parent we've coached

will have experienced

and expressed their guilt at feeling as though they need

to give their best at work all of the time,

give their best at home all of the time.

I can remember times during my career where I felt guilty,

especially when one of my sons was struggling

and how hard I was on myself and how much guilt I felt.

So it is normal

And I don't think we've coached, I honestly can't remember

a single person that we've coached as a working parent

who is not struggling on some level.

And it can be so difficult

to actually take that back into work.

And you often do feel that you are the only one,

and you worry that

because maybe you are having to change your working patterns

that you are impacting your colleagues and you may well be,

but you'd also be surprised at how many people tell us that.

Having gone through that experience of having

to open up to colleagues in terms of

how difficult their situation is and what support they need.

People have come back

and they say to us frequently, my colleagues were amazing.

My manager was amazing, my employer was amazing.

I got such support.

So that guilt, particularly when it's internalised,

can feel such a burden.

But actually we would encourage you to open up

and start to talk to those around you

because you'll be amazed at what support

and what strength that you get from them.

And often it's you think you're going

to be inconveniencing somebody else.

That team members might have to be picking up more

of your workload, that people are going to perceive you

as less committed at work.

In our experience, coaching people who've then shared

what they're going through, they have just been amazed by

how supportive their work colleagues have been

and how helpful it has been sharing what they're going

through.

My manager is not being supportive. What options do I have?

These are really difficult conversations.

It'll be a difficult conversation probably for you to have

with your manager sharing what's happening in your home

life with your child.

And it might be a difficult conversation for your manager

to have as well, not knowing how to respond.

And in that space a lot of miscommunication

and a misunderstanding can happen.

And potentially assumptions on both sides.

An assumption from you

that you haven't got the support of your manager.

Perhaps an assumption from your manager around

what you need, which isn't actually what you need.

So perhaps think about having

a follow-up conversation with your manager.

If you can be really clear around what it is

that you want from your manager, it might be as simple

as your manager just knowing what's going on

for you at that time.

So if you need it, there is support available.

So perhaps try again, having that conversation

and just being as clear as you can. Anything else? Well,

I've coached managers actually that have had a situation

where they know that a conversation has not gone well

and managers have actually come to coaching to say,

what is it that I could do?

And quite often we'll encourage them to

step back from the situation, not to solutionize too much

because quite often managers coming from the right place

want to fix the problem.

And that's not always what's wanted or what's needed.

And particularly as an employee, you are taking this issue

to your manager for the first time.

You probably dunno what you need.

All you're wanting to do is create a connection

and then work together over a period of time to actually

put what it is that you need in place

and to discuss what's going to work.

So if it's not gone well the first time,

do step back, have another go.

And also give the manager the opportunity as well.

Give them another chance so that you might actually try

and work together to find that right solution.

And if that doesn't work

or you don't feel, perhaps it's, it's safe for you to go

and have that conversation again with your manager,

perhaps look out into the organisation

and see what other support might be available to you.

So it might be mental health first.

Aiders might be in your organisation.

It might be another manager that you go

and have a conversation with.

It might be an employee assistance programme if your

organisation offers one of those.

So look broadly outside of your manager relationship to see

what support might be available for.

How important is transparency and honesty to supporting struggling working parents?

I think it's easy to answer this to say, yes,

it's important, and transparency

and honesty should be present in every organisation,

but the reality is it can be really hard to be honest

and transparent as a working parent who's struggling.

So I'm thinking back to some of the coaching experiences

that we've had where individuals have told us

that they're thinking of leaving the organisation

because they're having such a struggle

and we've supported them through coaching conversations to

try and sort of tidy up, sort of clarify their thinking,

get straight in terms of what it is

that the organisation can do

to actually support and help them.

Because often it's quite confusing for the employee in terms

of trying to work out what exactly it is that they want

and it's hard for the manager as well, is to know how

to actually help in those situations.

So it's a complex topic

and it's not as easy as saying just be open and transparent.

It takes some work both for the individual

and for the organisation to put the necessary support

and examples in place to encourage people

to actually have those conversations.

And we know from our own experience, people

that we've coached managers, it requires vulnerability.

It requires courage, it requires sharing things that perhaps

you really wouldn't want to share,

but having the courage to do so, and that's hard,

but doing that means you don't feel forced into making a

choice that you don't want to make.

The example that Helen was mentioning was somebody

who thought they were going to have

to leave an organisation, whereas actually by being able

to have that conversation with the vulnerability

and the courage that required meant

that they could then stay in

that organisation, continue to work there.

We also know this has to come from the top.

We've said it before, we wanted a question on psychological

safety, but if as a leader you can demonstrate

vulnerability to be more open

about perhaps your experiences as a working parent,

the difference that can make to the culture

of your organisation and parents feeling that it is okay

and it is safe to speak up about what their experiences are.

Especially, particularly challenging times

when perhaps their children are struggling

with their mental health.

I'm managing a struggling working parent and I am worried I'm not being an effective supporter.

So I think as managers often we think we need

to do something, we need to solve a problem.

We need to somehow fix something.

And perhaps checking in with what is it

that your team member, your employee actually wants?

Because what it might've been is just to let you know

how things were for them and

what was going on in their lives.

Perhaps it was just to know

that if they needed your support, your support was there

and available to them.

And you listening

and showing that you are there and there for them.

And if they want to come and have another conversation,

that's absolutely fine.

That's what effective support probably looks

like at this stage.

And it must feel very frustrating as a manager not

to be able to come in quickly with a solution.

That's the way that most managers are built.

Show me a problem, I'll fix it with this.

Everything needs to slow down

and you need to take time with your employee

and really demonstrate that you're listening

to what it's that they're saying.

And quite often it's a conversation

around helping them get their thoughts straight in terms

of what's actually going on for them.

And it's also worth remembering,

it's probably quite a big deal to share some of

that personal information, particularly for the first time.

So even if you think it's not going too well, take a breath,

step back and go in and go again.

Because in terms of your employee,

the relationship they have with you is going to be one

of the most important work relationships they have.

So yeah, we'd say Keep going. Yeah.

A couple of things perhaps to be aware of is assumptions,

because it can feel like quite a difficult

conversation to have.

The risk is that as a manager, you make assumptions around

what it is you think your employee's experiencing

or what it is they might need from you.

Anything else perhaps to avoid as a manager?

I think that's the main points, really.

So don't be disappointed that the conversation hasn't gone

as well as perhaps it should have.

There's always the opportunity to go again,

focus on listening and maybe as you go away

and consider what it is that you can

and can't do for that employee, just take some notes so

that when you go in, you've got your thoughts straight

for when it is you need to meet them next.

What are the main challenges struggling working parents face?

One of the main challenges

that we hear from working parents, especially working moms,

is being able to balance their work life

and their home life.

And that's on a good day.

If you've got additional worries, challenges,

perhaps a chard that's struggling, that balance is going

to become even harder for them to achieve.

And they might be quite reticent to come

and talk to you as a manager about that.

They might think that they're inconveniencing you

or they'll come across as being not as committed

as they want to be at work.

So perhaps being aware of how hard it is anyway,

how particularly challenging it's going to be now for them

to balance home and work life

and how that might vary from day to day, week

to week in terms of what they're struggling with.

I'd also say in those sorts of situations,

you can't underestimate the value of saying to

that employee, let's go for a coffee,

let's grab some time, let's have a chat.

How are you? And I have to say it,

be prepared for flood of tears because that can often happen

because you might be the only person

that's actually asked them how they're really doing.

So be prepared for that.

But then if that's the reaction that you do get,

that's great because this is the start of a relationship

that you can build with that parent, a trusting relationship

where they can share with you what the challenges are.

And as a manager you can hear that

and you can think through what is it that you can do

to actually support that working parent.

As you're talking, I'm reminded

of an amazing manager I had who, when I did share with him

what was going on in terms of trying to balance home

and work, he just said, you be wherever you need to be.

And the lightness, the load that was lifted when he said

that, it made such a difference.

So yeah, do not underestimate as a manager

how important you are in terms

of supporting your team member.

I'm feeling stressed and approaching burnout, what recommendations do you have?

Being aware of the level

of stress you are under approaching burnout.

Do not think that you are the only parent

to be feeling like this, to be experiencing this.

And therefore just have to try and push through

and manage this on your own.

Reaching out to people that you trust, family, friends,

share with them how it is that you are feeling.

If it's safe to speak to your manager, speak

to colleagues at work,

and then there is so much support that is available to you.

If you are reaching a stage of stress

and approaching burnout,

It can be really embarrassing to have to admit

that you're struggling,

but it's really important that having recognised

how you're feeling, that you now do the next courageous

thing, which is to ask for help.

It's not something that you're likely to be able

to manage on your own.

So our plea would be, please reach out for help.

When we are working with parents who are feeling

stressed, perhaps approaching burnout, something that

they often find helpful is thinking through

what it is they can actually control.

What are the things that they can influence,

and then what are all those things they might be worrying

about that are causing them stress

that actually they can't control, they can't influence,

and for now just need to let go of

and that can help them think through

actually what's causing them stress

and what of that yes, they have got some control

and influence over and what's the stuff they just need

to let go?

What role can managers play in advocating for supporting working parents?

It might surprise you this,

but about 85% of all employees are actually working parents.

So the first thing that we would suggest is,

as a working parent, if you are, tap into how it is

that you felt at different points in your journey, right?

From the point that your families came together through

to the point at which you're perhaps at now.

And for whatever reason, we see the work that we do.

We see working parents,

managers actually forget their identity as a working parent.

So they switched into a zone of managing

and forget what it is to be a working parent,

Perhaps using the, if you've got one,

the parents network in your organisation

to understand more about the issues, the challenges

that working parents are experiencing.

So you are clear about how you want to advocate

and the difference you want to make for working parents.

And it can depend on what level of seniority you are.

So depending on the team that you're actually managing,

if you are managing a very young team,

you may have no working parents at all.

And the question is, what can you do

to advocate within that team?

Well, I'm sure your team members are advocating

with other areas of the business

and it's good to actually highlight

to them perhaps some of what the challenge is.

So if somebody's not there early in the morning

or late at night, it may well be

because they've got responsibilities at home

And I'm reminded of your friend.

So yeah, we haven't mentioned non-working parents.

Well, of course there are many people

that don't have children themselves,

but I have a good friend who does not have children,

but her managers trust her implicitly with issues

that they have because of the bond

that they have, the relationship.

So she's as well

as being fantastic at what she actually does.

She's incredibly empathetic.

She also brings in some examples of, she has nephews

and nieces, which she's extremely fond of, just

to help become more relatable to those employees

that do have children.

How should managers approach discussions about performance and productivity with working parents?

This is really tough

because on the one hand, as a human being,

you will feel empathy towards your employee,

but on the other hand, you're going to be held accountable

and responsible for the targets.

So I think the starting point has to be is that it has

to be an honest conversation in terms of

what are your expectations and where are they falling short.

So that bit I don't think can be sugarcoated.

But in terms of where you go next with the conversation,

I think as a manager, there's a number of things

that you have available to you that could maybe help

that working parent moving forward.

And flexibility

and working flexibility flexibly

might be one of those. Yes.

So again, it's all about good conversations.

If there is poor performance, have the conversation

with your team member, invite them to share what is going on

so you've got a much better understanding

and insight into the demands that they're currently under.

So you can then try

and come up with some solutions with them in terms of

what flexible working arrangements might help them

be more productive.

So you are able to deliver what's being asked of you

for the organisation,

We work with a lot of working parents

and they really do value flexibility.

It's their number one ask.

And we've had examples where they will get home,

sort the kids out, get onto their laptops,

might be there till midnight.

Not saying that we recommend this,

but they're passionate about their jobs and their careers.

They do not want to fail.

So if they are given a measure of flexibility,

they will give that back to you in buckets in terms

of loyalty and hard work and effort.

So we would encourage, have the conversation, consider

how flexibility might help them,

and then hopefully they come back on track.

What support mechanisms can managers put in place to help struggling working parents?

Communication is really key to time between the manager

and employee when the employee is struggling.

But I think what also needs to be remembered is

that the intent that sits

behind it is really important to share.

So if somebody's told that they're going

to have more frequent one-to-ones more frequent check-ins,

the impact on the person might be to quite fearful in terms

of whether they're actually perhaps being managed out

of the organisation.

So the biggest thing that a manager can do to support

that employee is to be very open with the intent

that they really want to support that person

and help them back to a level of performance

that's actually at the right level.

So that's the first thing,

and probably most important is that support

that the manager can give to that individual employee.

And then wider than that, just know

where you can signpost them to, if they would like support

or need support.

It might be Mental Health first aiders.

It might be an employee assistance programme.

It might be flexible working options.

So just have that information available so you can share

that if that's helpful with your team member.

How can managers balance the needs of the team with the needs of a struggling working parent?

This is a really tough one, isn't it?

Yeah. Because what you've got here is,

particularly in small teams, you've got one person

that's not perhaps performing to the level

that they should do, which puts a lot

of pressure on the rest of the team members.

And that's really tricky

because as a manager you can't always share what's going on

for that individual because you've got

issues of confidentiality.

And if perhaps the other team

members aren't working parents, they might not have

empathy around what that working parent is going through,

or sometimes might even feel resentful that they

have these adjustments, accommodations,

flexible working arrangements that aren't available to them.

I know when I've had the situation at work, for example,

I've had to offer a degree of flexibility to someone

that's maybe having to do the nursery pickup.

And I've also had someone that's shared mental health issues

that he's been having, which meant that, again,

his working pattern has had to change.

And I've had other people in the team actually saying to me,

oh, do you know such and such isn't in today?

Or such and such is working from home?

And I've had to say, yes, I know about

that and I've asked them to.

And that sort of ends the conversation.

So sometimes I think for that wider group, they just need

to be asked to focus on their job

and what it is that they're doing.

Slightly unsympathetic answer to the wider group.

But in terms of priorities, if you have got someone

that's really struggling, I think

that's the first issue to deal with.

And the rest of the team,

I don't have to suck it up, but

It's just what needs to happen for a period of time

And their time might come as well

because who's to say that at some point they're not going

to need the right sort of support at some point.

What we do here time

and time again is if somebody who is struggling,

a working parent who is struggling is open, feels,

has the courage to be open with work colleagues about

what they're experiencing, they are often just amazed

by the support that those working colleagues give them.

But that's not for everyone.

And we fully understand, respect that some people want

to keep their situation confidential,

but if you do feel able to,

it can sometimes be really helpful to share

with your work colleagues what it is you're going through.

What are the benefits to an organisation of supporting struggling working parents?

This is a big question.

It encompasses so much so in terms of benefits

to an organisation, multiple benefits to an organisation,

culture, productivity, retention,

and attraction of talent.

So perhaps if we take one of those at a time, culture,

how beneficial it is to a culture in terms of demonstrating

how inclusive you are as a culture, the psychological safety

that exists within your culture, that it's okay to speak up

and speak out about what's happening. Yeah,

So I mean, culture is just so important, isn't it?

And actually you demonstrate your culture

through your actions.

So by actively supporting a working parent,

you are moving your culture forward in a positive way

And closing that gap between this spouse culture

that you want and the reality.

It's a way of closing that gap.

And if we go to productivity, the last thing

that you want is to actually lose staff

and then have to replace them

because you get a huge dip in productivity there.

But also if people aren't feeling great,

if they're not performing as well as they might,

if they're not getting the support that they need,

their product productivity levels are going to go down

And also perhaps links through into flexible working.

Because often there's an assumption

that actually flexible working

negatively impacts productivity,

whereas actually research is demonstrating

that flexible working improves and increases productivity.

So I've witnessed retention, retention,

And we know for organisations today,

this is a massive issue in terms of how

to retain the talent that they've got.

And this is a way to be able to retain your talent.

And retention, of course leads to attraction.

So if you've got a combination of all those things,

so this is a great place to work, people tend to stay,

people are responding well in terms

of challenges within the workforce, I mean, this is going

to be a great place that people are going to want

to work in.

How should managers address concerns about absenteeism with struggling working parents?

I think the first part of this is to say,

how do you approach any absenteeism?

And it starts with a conversation.

So you might notice that the person has been struggling

to come in each day.

There might be work that's slipping, et cetera.

So it starts with a conversation where you give some space

to your employee, you're empathetic,

but you ask more questions than not to give them

the opportunity to actually talk about

perhaps what's going on.

Some other thoughts, do it in a timely way.

You might delay having this conversation.

It might feel like a difficult or awkward conversation,

but have the conversation in a timely way.

Don't make assumptions just

because the team member is a working parent.

Don't assume the absenteeism is related to that.

It may well be, but don't make an assumption.

And if it is related to them being a working parent,

be aware of the guilt that they might be feeling in terms

of trying to juggle and balance home and work commitments

and how hard it might be for them to be open

about what's going on perhaps with their child

and if their child is struggling.

So, approach the conversation sensitively and try

and create a space in which your team member can be open

and honest in terms of what's happening

and get to the root cause behind the absenteeism.

Are employee resource groups for working parents effective?

We are massive advocates of employee resource groups,

and we hear over and over again how helpful

and powerful parent network groups are.

In the research that we did, both people leads

described how valuable their parent network were,

or more widely the employee resource groups were

to their organisation.

And we heard time and time again from parent

how much they valued having that as a resource

and how supported they felt by those parent networks.

So give an example of that.

If an employer is looking to set up

or change a policy, it's really difficult to speak

to hundreds and hundreds

of employees if you're a large organisation

or to get a good temper check,

even in a smaller organisation.

So if there are employee resource groups,

that's a great resource that's available for the employer

as well, so they can sound out

and test out how policies are potentially going to land

and any adaptions that should be made before they're.

How is a workplace improved by including working parents?

So what we do know from research is

that diverse workplaces produce better results

and better performance.

So working parents, being part of the mix, part

of your employee mix is pretty important from

a diversity perspective.

And in our coaching work with working parents, some

of the things that we hear are,

I don't sweat the small stuff anymore.

I know what matters to me, what's important.

I focus on that. I've got really good boundaries

around my work life.

I've got more confidence in terms

of stakeholder relationships, stakeholder management.

I keep going on, I want to do meaningful work,

purpose-led work, much more clarity around

what they want from their work lives.

So that's, it's also

The pressure, isn't it?

So this is enormous pressure,

particularly at the point an employee becomes a working

parent and it brings things to a head, doesn't it?

Suddenly having to do two jobs, being a parent

and being an employee, it really focuses the mind

and the productivity and the value that

that parent brings into the workplace.

So yeah, you need lots of working parents in your workplace.

And something we hear from the dads that we work

with is the point at which they become a working parent.

They often become more empathetic in terms

of they look at their female colleagues

and their female team members who are parents

and have much more understanding for them

how they're being treated at work.

Also, that the pressures and the demands on them.

So yes, for working dads as well, it can create more empathy

for them perhaps they had before.

And it's a renewed respect that we see that they have

for these women and quite often these women

that are working, parents

that they've seen in the workplace.

And it does change them and it changes their attitude.

So it really does ask them to step up in terms

of their soft skills, particularly around empathy

and listening.

What are leading organisations doing with regards to paternity leave?

We have noticed enormous change in this area

even over the last 12 months.

There's a piece of research that was done,

it's about three years ago by the BITC

nine out of 10.

Men think it is equally fine for men

and women to share caring responsibilities

for their children, yet currently men get two weeks

statutory paternity leave.

But do they? So there's a number of progressive companies

that now are doing some huge things in terms of pay.

So from our research, the number one concern, particularly

for working dads was how they cope financially

through the period of being away from work.

So the progressive employers of 70 plus

employers in the FTSE 100, as an example,

who now offer six months of enhanced parental leave

for men as well as women's.

That means they get full pay for the time

that they spend out of work caring for their child.

Other organisations are looking at shared parental leave.

So we go back to that stat.

Nine out of 10 men think it's equally fine for men

and women to share caring responsibilities.

Take up a shared parental leave currently is between two

and 8%.

So organisations are also looking at their shared

parental leave policies.

Again, to make it possible financially for men

to spend more time with their young family

and make it financially possible for them to do so.

And why do we think they're doing that?

Because they're not doing it out of the

goodness of their heart.

So why are they encouraging men

to be away from the workplace for longer by giving them pay.

Why do you think they're doing it, Alison? I

Think it comes back to retaining talent.

We know it's really hard at the moment for organisations

to retain talent, and I do think if they're not putting

these sorts of policies in place, it's going

to become increasingly hard for them to do so.

Should I approach struggling mums and dads differently at work?

Gosh, my first instinct there is

that everybody's an individual.

Everybody's situation is different.

So if you try and generalise too much

and pigeonhole people into a working mom

or a working dad, that could lead to some poor,

poor quality conversations.

The work research we did at Womba

with whole international business school, one

of the findings from that was moms

and dads tend to interact differently with the organisation,

and moms tend to stay within policy and try

and work within policy.

So as a manager, they might need more help,

more support navigating what that policy is.

For dads, they tend to find a way round policy.

They're slightly more creative, is what we heard in terms of

how they get to where they need to in terms

of perhaps adjustments they need

or how they want to parents.

So perhaps as a manager, be aware

that there might be some difference between working moms

and working dads.

The other thing we heard was around dads

and role models, role

Models.

Yeah. So really struggled to actually identify

as the primary carer.

Other dads in the same situation.

So it's still not hugely common.

So it can be quite a lonely place for a working dad

as primary carer to be.

So anything you can do to connect that dad up

with other buddy him up with other dads would be great.

Is it acceptable to inquire about the health issues affecting the child of someone I manage?

No.

No, it's not.

It's up to them what they want to disclose,

so they might share that with you,

but that is their discretion as to what they want to share

and how much they want to share.

Absolutely. Do not overstep the mark.

So if they want to share it with you, fantastic.

If they want to keep it private

and confidential, then you need to respect that.

The parent I manage is struggling but never wants to talk about it, how do I get through to them?

Oh gosh, that's a tricky one, isn't it?

So I guess some questions would be,

is this normal for the working parent?

Have they always been like this?

Is it something about your relationship

with that working parent?

Or generally, are they not somebody

that actually wants to talk

And trying to create a space where

they can be open with you?

So perhaps ask them

how best you can do that.

So what might be helpful for them in terms of feeling safe

and okay to communicate?

Is it possibly having somebody with them?

Might it be putting something perhaps in writing first?

Anything that you can do to encourage them to be open,

to communicate in a way

that suits them and well works for them. It

Might be worth asking as well as if they have somebody

to talk to because there are,

now we see it in our coaching, don't they?

There are a group of working parents

that are just incredibly strong

and feel they need to be strong and

therefore are not good at asking for help.

And if you've got one of those working for you,

it's really important to actually

encourage them to reach out.

Have they got friends, have they got family?

They can talk to just the actual nature

of talking as a start.

But as a manager, it's so important to keep trying with

that relationship, asking open questions,

not closing down too quickly.

And there might be places within the organisation you can

signpost them to, perhaps to a parent's network, perhaps

to mental health first aiders, perhaps

to employee assistance programmes.

If you feel that that working parent does need support,

but you are not the person to give it to them.

Supporting young people's mental health together