Feeling lonely?
Everyone feels lonely sometimes. But if you’re feeling isolated and sad, it’s time to find some support.
Loneliness can really affect your mental health, so we’d like to help. There’s information and support for you here even if you’re not a Bupa customer.
Coping with loneliness
Feeling lonely isn’t trivial, but it’s usually very difficult to admit. It can be about being isolated but there are other causes, too. Some people don’t see enough of their loved ones, or their relationships aren’t fulfilling. If you’re not getting enough contact, or the right kind, it can lead to mental health conditions such as depression or anxiety.
The signs of loneliness can creep up on you. For example, you might not remember when you last laughed or spoke to anyone. You might feel disconnected even when you’re with others. If this is your normal, you might benefit from some support and advice in coping with loneliness.
Are you an older person who’s feeling lonely?
If you or someone you know is feeling lonely, Bupa Buddy is here for a chat. We understand that it can be tough to self-isolate or be away from your family. So why not make yourself a cup of tea and give us a call? You don’t even have to be a Bupa customer.
Look out for the signs of loneliness
The signs of loneliness can vary. Here are some you might recognise:
- Feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy
- A sense of detachment from the world
- Struggling to enjoy hobbies, food or your work
- Finding it difficult to be in company and avoiding others, perhaps feeling shy or clumsy
- Having difficulty putting your worries into perspective
- Being poorly more often and not sleeping well
- Looking for comfort in alcohol or shopping
Enjoy your own company: take a mindful walk with our 15-minute podcast
Bupa’s Dr Meera Joshi will guide you through a 15-minute walk while practising mindfulness. It’s a recognised technique for tackling feelings of low mood. You don’t need any mindfulness experience to do this.
Our tips for coping with loneliness
Stay connected with friends and family during COVID-19
Here are our tips if you’re struggling with the effects of having stayed home, you don’t like going out, or you’re still shielding.
Is your teenager feeling lonely?
It’s not always easy to tell what a teenager is thinking. They may find it difficult to admit they don’t have many friends, or that they feel like they don’t fit in. But if they’re spending a lot of time alone or not going out much, it’s normal to feel concerned. Our article has some useful tips, and there’s our helpful video about teenage loneliness.
00:00 (upbeat music)
00:02 - [Narrator] Teenage years are a tricky time
00:04 and identifying if something is wrong can be difficult.
00:09 If you're child is spending a lot of time alone,
00:11 it's natural to wonder if this is okay,
00:14 a passing phase or if it's something
00:16 that you should be concerned about.
00:18 Some things that may cause loneliness and isolation
00:21 could be screen-based activities.
00:24 These play a big part in our children's lives.
00:27 There are lots of positives linked to watching TV,
00:30 gaming or using social media to connect with friends.
00:34 But it's been estimated that screen time
00:36 can vary between two to eight hours a day for young people
00:39 and they may continually compare
00:41 themselves to others online,
00:43 which can lead to feelings of isolation.
00:45 Changing schools, moving from primary to secondary school,
00:49 often college up to university,
00:52 feeling misunderstood and having a sense
00:54 of not fitting in even when surround by people,
00:59 being left out, sports or academic teams,
01:02 changes to their mental health or well-being
01:04 or managing a mental health condition,
01:07 living with a long-term condition
01:09 or disability, being bullied.
01:13 How do you know if your teenager is lonely?
01:16 It's important to recognize that young people don't
01:18 have to be socializing all the time
01:21 and value time on their own.
01:23 But they can be good at hiding how they feel,
01:26 so it might not be easy to spot clear signs of loneliness.
01:30 Some signs that your child might be feeling
01:32 lonely and isolated include developing low self-esteem
01:36 and losing confidence in themselves and their abilities,
01:39 being sad, withdrawn and pulling away from others,
01:43 getting angry and upset, not wanting to try
01:47 or do new hobbies or social activities
01:50 or drinking and smoking in a bid to feel accepted.
01:54 Tips for talking to your teen.
01:57 Take the lead if you feel that something is wrong.
01:59 A gentle nudge might help them to open up.
02:02 Show your child that they can lean on you for support.
02:06 It can be distressing hearing your child is struggling,
02:09 but it's important to keep calm,
02:11 listen and be understanding.
02:14 Set up a safe space where you'll be able
02:16 to have a conversation such as on a walk
02:19 or at home when no one else is around.
02:22 Bear in mind, that the evening might not
02:23 be the best time, if you and your child are tired.
02:27 Natural conversation starters might arise.
02:30 For example, if you're watching TV together
02:32 and something relevant comes up.
02:34 Perhaps ask their advice about a problem
02:37 a friend is dealing with or if it feels right,
02:40 suggest you'd like to talk to them about something directly.
02:43 If your child is defensive, unreceptive or clams up,
02:47take a break, but return to it again in few days time.
02:51 You might find that they come to you
02:52when they feel ready to talk.
02:55 A conversation is a two-way thing.
02:57 And listening to your teen is important.
03:00 Encourage them to ask questions
03:02 and share some of your experiences
03:04 to show that you understand.
03:06 Try and ask questions that require more
03:08 than a yes or no answer.
03:11 There might not be a simple way to help,
03:13 but just making sure they know they can trust you,
03:16 that you're always there for them
03:17 and that you love and care will help them feel supported.
03:21(upbeat music)
How to build your resilience
In this video, we explain how resilience can help you cope with what’s bothering you. And that can stop it tipping over into stress.
00:05 My name is Stuart Haydock
00:08 I'm an organisational psychologist and I lead
00:10 the resilience program.
00:15 Well stress is an imbalance between
00:17 pressure and coping ability. To a
00:20 certain extent that subjective because
00:21 everyone's coping ability will be
00:23 slightly different and it's based on certain
00:25 cognitive factors and certain lifestyle factors.
00:27 But actually once we exceed whatever
00:30 coping abilities we have you'll
00:32 typically see that over pressure start to
00:34 manifest itself as negative features.
00:37 So things like interrupted focus and
00:38 concentration.
00:44 In the long-term stress can have an
00:46 impact in both physical and mental
00:48 health. So if it's left unaddressed for long
00:50 periods typically you'd start to see that
00:52 manifesting as reduced focus and
00:55 concentration as i mentioned. But equally
00:58 in the longer term you might see issues
00:59 like depression or anxiety disorders and
01:01 more likely during periods of prolonged
01:03 stress but similarly in the physical
01:05 world you'd also see instances of things
01:07 like gastric disorders like irritable
01:10 bowel syndrome, skin disorders like
01:12 psoriasis as well as the archetypal
01:15 links between stress and things like
01:17 hypertension, cardiovascular disease,
01:19 diabetes potentially.
01:23 Resilience is the concept that actually we all
01:27 have a certain threshold for pressure
01:29 and before it turns into stress
01:31 effectively. Resilience is the idea that
01:33 you can build that threshold so it's not
01:35 necessarily fixed within each individual
01:37 but actually through changing certain
01:39 lifestyle factors and cognitive factors,
01:42 the way that you perceive certain
01:43 situations and how you behave as a
01:45 result of that, you can actually
01:46 improve your tolerance level for
01:48 pressure and stop it from turning into
01:50 those negative features. I think it's
01:52 important to note though that no one's
01:54 necessarily immune to stress as a
01:55 negative factor. Everyone will have that
01:57 tipping point at some point. The idea of
01:59 resilience is that you just increase
02:01 that tolerance level.
02:06 There's lots of different ways when you
02:07 can look at building your resilience so
02:09 generally speaking with separate them
02:11 broadly into lifestyle and cognitive
02:13 factors. So lifestyle would include
02:15 relatively simplistic things like
02:17 including increasing physical activity,
02:18 improving your diet, looking at your
02:22 healthy sleep patterns. Also looking at
02:24 cutting things down like caffeine and
02:26 alcohol potentially can be quite helpful.
02:28 On the cognitive side of things you
02:30 probably look at at a basic level,
02:32 looking at improving your assertiveness
02:35 for example so knowing when to say no
02:37 and knowing where your limitations
02:39 are. Also engaging at a level with people
02:42 around making sure that you wave and
02:45 don't drown so to speak, so actually alert
02:47 people when you are feeling the
02:48 pressure.
02:54 Ultimately it's not for me or anyone
02:56 else to tell anyone what they should or
02:57 shouldn't be doing.
02:58 I think what my experience most people
03:01 will have a decent insight into what is
03:03 good for them and what makes
03:04 them feel good and I think broadly
03:06 speaking what's good for you physically
03:07 is also good for you mentally. The
03:09 difficulty for most people i think is
03:11 the implementation of that so the time
03:13 management aspect comes into this and
03:15 plays a big role so actually it's
03:17 probably more about assessing exactly
03:19 what you have on your plate at a given time.
03:21 What actual time spans you have
03:22 available to make some changes if you're
03:24 looking to do so and then planning in
03:26 sustainable goals that can actually fit
03:28 within those 30 minutes or hour long
03:30 periods that we probably have that are
03:32 flexible. It may not be any longer than
03:34 that for most people so plan within that
03:36 and don't set yourself unachievable
03:37 goals.
03:42 At a basic and more individual level you
03:44 can actually look at online facilities so
03:47 a lot of web applications are based
03:48 around the idea of improving mindfulness
03:50 and improving mental capacity which can
03:52 really help with resilience. Things like
03:54 the peak application that you can use
03:56 day-to-day in relatively short time
03:58 spans. It's going to be quite an achievable
04:00 model for you. So have a look what's out
04:01 there, see something hopefully
04:03 that works for you and then put that in
04:05 place and hopefully build on that as you
04:06 move forward.
Support for feeling lonely from Bupa’s experts
Our wellbeing platform, Healthy Me, is where you’ll find a wide range of help in coping with loneliness.
If you’re in a crisis or just need some help, don’t hesitate. Here are some really helpful organisations that you can turn to for support.
Samaritans
When life is difficult, Samaritans are there – day or night, 365 days a year. Whoever you are and whatever you’re facing, they won’t judge you or tell you what to do. They’re there to listen so you don’t have to face it alone.
Call free day or night on
116 123 (UK and ROI)
Mind
Mind is a charity dedicated to mental health. They exist to make sure no one has to face a mental health problem alone. They’ll listen to you and offer support and advice.
0300 123 3393
Lines open 9am to 6pm, Monday to Friday, except for bank holidays
Young Minds
YoungMinds is the UK’s leading charity for children’s and young people's mental health. You can text Crisis Messenger for free 24/7 and get support from trained volunteers who are supervised by experienced clinicians. Texts are free from most major mobile networks.
For urgent help, text YM to 85258
Mental Health Foundation
This charity helps people understand, protect and sustain their mental health. The ‘Your mental health’ section has lots of useful content, including podcasts about mindfulness and overcoming anxiety.
Rethink Mental Illness
Rethink offers crisis and recovery services, advocacy, online resources, support groups and much more. Each year, they help tens of thousands of people manage their mental wellbeing.
0300 5000 927
Lines open 9:30am to 4pm Monday to Friday
Mental health support as part of Bupa health insurance
I’m already a Bupa health insurance customer
If you have mental health cover as part of your Bupa health insurance, we may be able to refer you to a consultant or therapist, and you may not even have to see your GP first†. Or we can put you through to one of our mental health nurses.
0808 256 1766^
^Calls may be recorded and to maintain the quality of our service we may monitor some of our calls, always respecting the confidentiality of the call.
I’m not a Bupa customer, but I’d like to find out more about health insurance
If you’re looking for mental health support as part of a broader health insurance policy, we can look after you, your family, or your employees.
†Direct Access telephone services are available as long as the symptoms are covered under the policy. If your cover excludes conditions you had before your policy started, we’ll ask you to provide evidence from your GP that your symptoms are not pre-existing for a period of up to two years from policy start date (or up to five years in the case of mental health). We can then refer you to a consultant or therapist through the Direct Access service. Always call us first to check your eligibility.
Bupa health insurance is provided by Bupa Insurance Limited. Registered in England and Wales No. 3956433. Bupa Insurance Limited is authorised by the Prudential Regulation Authority and regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority and the Prudential Regulation Authority. Arranged and administered by Bupa Insurance Services Limited, which is authorised by the Financial Conduct Authority. Registered in England and Wales No. 3829851. Registered office: 1 Angel Court, London EC2R 7HZ.,
